NUMBERS

THINGS I LEARNED IN THE 2nd GRADE....

Last Friday I substituted in the second grade at the MCs school. Elementary kids are a different breed for me since I am, or was as HH likes to point out, a high school teacher. I like high school kids for the most part. They are old enough to know better and be told so. Some can appreciate my dry sense of humor. 2nd graders, well, it is sort of lost on them. However, I am growing fond of the little rug rats. Not that I want to teach them. That one day in MC 2's kindergarten class confirmed that. But a drop in here and there is not too bad. Here are a few of the things I learned while hanging with the little knuckleheads.....

Him: Hey can I tell you a secret?

Me: Sure

Him: (Ever so softly in my ear) I know Santa isn't real.

Me: You do? Were you upset?

Him: No...

Me: Why? Because you could be naughty now?

Him: Yep.... and no one is watching.

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Me: You have Fifths Disease? Did you tell your music teacher?

A different him: Yep. She knows. She talked to her obedient doctor and he said it was fine.

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Me: I don't care if you take your shoes off.

Same him as the Santa secret: Mrs.!

Sometimes I have to take my shoes off because I have athlete's foot and it has to dry out!

Me: Okay then.......

14 boys and 4 girls. Not a one absent that day. Bless their teacher's heart!

SUNDAY SCHOOL IS NOT FOR THE WEAK STOMACHED....

Like most good, church going parents, we often ask our kids what their lessons were about each week. MC 2 can usually tell us. MC 1 gives us the preteen shoulder shrug and obligatory I don't know. Yesterday we forgot to ask. Last night MC 1 gave me a recap.

Of his own free will.

Down to chapter and verse.

Which was surprising until I looked up what they studied.

Acts 1:15-19

And in those days Peter stood up in the midst of the disciples (altogether the number of names was about a hundred and twenty), and said, "Men and brethren, this scripture had to be fulfilled, which the Holy Spirit spoke before by the mouth of David concerning Judas, who became a guide to those who arrested Jesus; for he was numbered with us and obtained a part in this ministry."

and MC 1's favorite part.....

(Now this man purchased a field with the wages of iniquity; and falling headlong, he burst open in the middle and all his entrails gushed out. And it became known to all those dwelling in Jerusalem; so that field is called in their own language, Akel Dama, that is, field of blood.)

Except his narration went like this.....

Judas betrayed Jesus and Jesus went pshhhhhhhh ( hand motions here) and Judas' chest bust open and all his guts fell out. His intestines and everything.

Can't wait till they study Judges;)

BEING ME....

Phone rings

Hello?

Hey! (It's my dad) How 'bout them Lady Ags?

I know, right? How 'bout them!

I keep waiting for a hog trap to show up in my yard?

Hey you know what? So do I, daddy, so do I!

Oh...it'll show up someday.

I am sure it will.

Okay we are taking cows to the sale barn and getting a hamburger.

Hey, that is what we are having.

Okay.

Click.

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I went to the dentist Wednesday.

I could not feel my nose for about 3 hours.

My face still hurts.

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Wednesday night I had a dream that involved Shaun Groves, sporting a serious mullet, Todd Agnew, barefoot, and some other worship guy who looked like Mark Driscoll, but wasn't. I also could not find the class I was supposed to substitute in, nor could I find MC 2's class. And someone confessed that they believed in God and I said thank you, which upset everyone. I am going to blame that part on having just watched the episode of Friends where Ross told Emily he loved her and she replied thank you.

That and watching too much Elephant Room.

And Bec will be the one who appreciates that the most.

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I lost four pounds.

MC 1 : Maybe someday you'll be skinny and wear a bikini.

No, I would have skin hanging.

MC 1: Oh, yeah, never mind.

If someone asked if that was your mom I would say no.

I have a different mom.

Thanks.....

Have an amazing weekend of friends, family and worship!

CONTROL-TOP LIFE...

I was called a control freak yesterday. I would have been offended if it weren't true. I like to be in control. Of my life. My kids. HH. Other people. Our family has a running joke that if people would just do what we told them to, things would go a lot better. Of course, we are usually talking about each other.

Usually.

Clearly, being a control freak is a futile endeavor, because in this fallen world we don't control a great deal. For myself, in my Christian walk, it seems hypocritical. As a Christian, I confess to believe that Jesus Christ is in control of my life, yet I still try to control it.Can't have it both ways Rhonda.

Don't misunderstand, I am not talking about being responsible with my kids, my husband, and my life. That I am called to do. I in no way mean to imply that we should just live life flippantly because we have no control. I am talking about being in the ultimate control.

That I know best.

Always.

As a follower of Christ, being a control freak also puts a target on my back for the Lord. He loves me too much to let me keep on in that line of thinking. He has diligently worked it out in many areas of my life over the past few years. Over the past few weeks, He has been targeting in on one. Last week, we had a break through.

I know I can't control everything. I know that. I can control one thing. I can control my submission to Jesus Christ. I can control that I choose Him. In everything. Big and small.

In the pretty things of life and in the ugly.

I can control Who I go to and how quick I get there.

I can control whether or not I choose to be diligent in the little and big things.

I can control how long I let condemnation knock on the door of my heart when I don't.

I don't expect to be instantly delivered from my control freak self. I am pretty sure there is too much to be gained in the work He is doing for that to happen.

And He will continue to fine tune the areas I have been hiding from.

But He is the one doing the work, which is a relief.

I don't want to be in control of that process.

THE EQUALIZER

just typing that I remembered my parents watching that show. The link is for the sisters so they can remember right along with me.

Friday I made a run to Sam's. I purchased the required items, made a pit stop at the insanity they called a bathroom (which is in the midst of a remodel), and made my way to the check out line. My turn came up, I handed over my card, then I walked over to get a bottled water. I smiled sweetly to the lady with the new baby on my way over. As I return to my place in line, doing my mental run down of the rest of the day, I hear this voice behind me, about shoulder level saying,

"I am going to be your friend"....

and I instantly think it is someone I know....

"and tell you, you've got toilet paper hanging out your b - utt."

( Yep - it had two syllables).

Thank you random Sam's lady for being a friend. To all my other "friends" who let me walk by and said nothing - well - toilet paper doesn't play favorites.

It is an equal opportunity mortifier...

The great equalizer...

I'm just saying.

Have a great week!

YOU MIGHT BE....NO.....YOU ARE.....

a redneck

if your father is holding the dog kennel

you need to borrow

(for the seven puppies you need to giveaway)

RANSOM

for the hog pen your husband borrowed from him.

Yep.....you are.