HOW DO YOU SEPARATE PASSION FROM EMOTION?

If you have read anything I have put on Facebook the last couple of days, you know I am reading Bonhoeffer: Pastor, Martyr, Prophet, Spy by Eric Metaxas. This is, of course, if you ignore my reference to the Gas-X commercial last night, but honestly, the line "the skunk has left the barn" still has me laughing. Anyway, Bonhoeffer...love it and I am only on page 198 of a 500+ page book.
What intrigues me most is how it appears Bonhoeffer was so deeply passionate about his relationship with Christ and his convictions about the church, yet at this stage, seems to be able to keep his emotions in check when debating with others. Over and over again, Metaxas cites friends and colleagues of Bonhoeffer stating how well he listened to others. How he calmly debated with his dissenters, never forgetting to respect and esteem the other person's right to their own point of view. He may not have agreed with it, he most certainly tried to point them in the direction of Christ, but it appears (so far) that he never did so by belittling their point or giving over to animosity and anger.
That impresses me.
Call it my X chromosome, call it hormones, call it just being a girl, call it my desire to be right, but there have been many times when my passion and my emotions got tangled up in a big old mess. Especially when it comes to the church. Animosity and anger have been my cohorts more times that I want to admit. Instead of calmly debating and pointing to Christ, I have often found myself thinking (and most likely saying),
Are you kidding me? How could you possibly think that is right? Do you even read your Bible?
Mix that with tears, red faces, and loud voices and that is a little cocktail the enemy is glad to serve up.
You know who gets the brunt of it? Other Christians.
Yep - I tend to have a whole lot more patience for the unbeliever than I do for my brother and sisters in Christ. Is it right? No. Is it true? Sadly - yes.
As I am reading the book, and the accounts of Dietrich Bonhoeffer's life, I have caught myself admiring how Christ like he lived. Now it may all turn south before I am done, but in these 198 pages this has been my observation. How he took teaching the word of God to ANYONE seriously. How he discipled others and not just the I teach a class on Sunday morning, I lead a small group, I stand on the platform kinda way. He discipled them. He got into their messy lives with them. He corrected them. He challenged them. He loved them. He gave them hope.
While in private his emotions may have run the gamut, it seems publicly they did not get the better of him, and I can't help but think that is how Christ would have done it. It is how He does it. His emotions never got Him. Was His passion evident? You bet! It never gave way to His human emotions though.
So while I am impressed with Bonhoeffer's life, I am also challenged to see that same fruit in my own. It was nothing that Bonhoeffer did of himself, but a fruit of the Holy Spirit's work in him. The same Holy Spirit that lives in me. It is possible for me to keep my passion and my emotions separate. With Christ Jesus, it is.
What about you? Do you have a good reign on your emotions? Are you able to keep you passion and your emotions in check? When, and if, you don't sometimes who usually catches it? Are you more patient with believers than unbelievers?
You can comment anonymously. We can let the blogosphere think it's just me who struggles. I'm okay with that....wink wink.

'SUP?

Well, what have we been doing? A list is in order:
1. Spring Break
HH had to be out of town so the boys and I were left to our own devices. We had a doctor appt,. and ortho appt., two dentist's appts., and that got us to Tuesday. Wednesday and Thursday we spent at home. Friday we went to see The Lorax. In 3-D. Then I sold a kidney to reimburse our bank account after that little trip.
Y'all know I am joking....I still have two.
2. School
Then we had to go back. This week is state testing. Some tests count (like Mc 1's) and some don't (like the test I have been giving some very disgruntled juniors for the past two days).
3. FPU
It will merit a blog post all it's own, but I will say things are going in the right direction. Not great yet, but the right direction. HH and I seem to be getting on the same page.

Now I am too tired to think of anything else. Hope you are having a great week!

FPU - WEEK 6

Well, you will be glad to know I did not cry. Or maybe you're not. I was.
This week was about buying and not buying and waiting to buy. Honestly, that is not an area I struggle with a great deal. I am not a big shopper. However, I am sure there have been times when the sales pitch drew me in and stole my money. After listening to our group discussion, I realize am not alone. One participant told a story of buying a vacuum cleaner. He said no several times but then the salesman demonstrated somethings cool and he was in. It was only after he finished his story that he informed us he had tile floors, and had no need of new vacuum. You will be glad to know he returned it the next day.
The entire point was to obtain power over your purchasing. Sleep on big purchases overnight. Make sure you know and understand what it is you are buying. Talk it out with your spouse/accountability partner.
In two words-
GROW UP.
Stop giving in to the part of your flesh that demands you have what you want, when you want it, and how you want it. Show some maturity. As Paul would say, get off the milk and onto some solid food.

SWEET SLEEP

The MCs still request that their mama lay down with them at night. Call them spoiled. Call them soft. I don't care. I have a small window when this opportunity will be before me, so, when possible, I do. Last night, as I watched MC 2's anxious face relax and him quickly drift off to sleep, I couldn't help think how nice it must be, and must have been as a kid myself, to have that. To have that feeling of security, knowing you will be protected. To have that sense of comfort, knowing you are loved. To have that physical contact, creature comfort my mama calls it, knowing you are not alone. To just be able to breathe deeply, close you eyes, and rest.
As an adult, sleepless nights sometime find me. My anxious face does not relax. I fight to close my eyes and keep them that way. My mind drifts, not to sleep, but to places of fear, worry and at times torment. It is on nights like those I am so grateful the word of God.

Psalm 4:8 (NKJV)
I will both lie down in peace, and sleep; For You alone, O Lord, make me dwell in safety.

I have blogged about it before. It is a life verse for me. It is one I stand my ground on.While I can't physically touch God or Christ; the Holy Spirit, the Comforter, is abiding with and in me, allowing me to know that I am protected, to know that I am loved, and to know I am not alone.
You can know this, too.
If you don't know Christ Jesus, you can.
You can sleep.
You can lie down in peace.
You can know He makes you dwell in safety.
No fancy speeches needed.
No big altar.
All He needs is a heart surrendered and submitted to Him.
All you need to do is choose.
He has chosen you.

THE SILENT TREATMENT

Are you and I using what we hear?

FPU - WEEK OFF

Therapy was cancelled for the week due to Spring Break. Which is good because I needed time to catch up on all the homework I had not done. Yesterday, I tackled the budget. As I was crunching the numbers I had to keep reminding myself ,

It will not be perfect the first time...

It is not going to be pretty the first time...

It won't even work the first time.

All I can tell you is that is was a good thing I had already made up my mind to stay home or there might have been some major liquidation going on at the local pawn shop.

Having spent Monday at the doctor's office and the orthodontist's place,

and Tuesday at the dentist's (twice - same child - TWICE),

I didn't have the energy to load it all up and haul it all off.

Now that the budget is done, I do feel a bit better. Still have the debt snowball form to tackle, but that will be later today. Or maybe tomorrow. Scarlett O'Hara may very well resume her role as my financial advisor.

I can't think about that right now.

If I do, I'll go crazy. I'll think about that tomorrow.

Clearly that thinking has served me well in the past.

PIGGY BACKING OFF OF YESTERDAY...

Sometimes this is the problem.

They were reaching for the glory without a willingness to endure the prerequisite sufferings. (footnote from Matthew 20:20-24)

Sometimes I want the glory without the suffering. Like I want to be debt free, but I am not so crazy about doing the paperwork (as evidenced by the fact that I still haven't). I really want to be healthier, and smaller, but I am not burning up the treadmill.

I don't know what others have gone through, what prerequisite sufferings God had for them to prepare them for leadership. I don't see the ones He has for them in the future to mature them. Knowing what they were or will be, I may not be so eager to sign up for leadership roles. I may not want to be favored by men. I may not want to be BFFs with her.

It goes back to yesterday's point - He chooses.

When He chooses I am ready, He will place me where He wants me.

My choice will be to wait on and in Him.

When the insecurities rage, wait.

When the prerequisite sufferings come, wait.

When presented opportunities that flatter my flesh, wait.

When feeling alone, overlooked, and unlikeable, wait.

Wait in the confidence of who I am in Christ.

Wait in the security of His word.

Wait in the peace of His love.

No one can wait for me.

I choose.

No one can wait for you.

You choose.

May we both choose Jesus.

He has chosen us.

DO YOU EVER STRUGGLE...

with status? Do you ever find yourself arguing why "she" was chosen to teach that bible class when you have been a faithful servant and clearly it was your time? Ever battle with feelings of insecurity and envy in the depths of your heart when you see others favored by "man" while you seem overlooked?

I have. At times, I still do. Let's be honest, there are those days when I find myself questioning why this person is elevated in position. Why is the person being "favored"? Why does she get to be best friends with so and so, while I sit on the sidelines. I can get myself worked up into a good frenzy. Thankfully, some maturity in me at least manages to keep the debate to myself or HH. I have learned that much along the way.

Doesn't change things though. It still feels petty, childish, and self- absorbed. It still hurts, feels raw, and very much sends me on an emotional roller coaster ride of insecurities I keep pushed down.

I have often berated myself for such thoughts. After all, they are very fleshy, but then, so am I. So were the disciples. We see it in Mark 10 with James and John. Matthew 20 attributes the same moment to their mama. Listen, as a mama, NOTHING will get you more flesh-filled then thinking someone has done your baby wrong, or is about to. Come on- you mama's know that it is true. In John 21 we see Peter asking a similar question.

What about him?

What about her? What about her is so special she gets that?

Why aren't I even being considered for that position?

Bottom line, there is one answer that shuts all those questions down. I was reminded of it in a footnote found in my Bible.

Rank, position, and reward are His to give to whomever He chooses. (from Matthew 21 footnotes).

Regardless of how I feel about it, if I understand it, what great points I have for my case, or any other reason I can come up, those are His to give as He seems fit.

As He CHOOSES.

My response, my choice (as hard as it may seem) is found in Christ's answer to Peter in the book of John,

John 21:22 (NKJV)

"Jesus said to him, "If I will that he remain till I come, what is that to you? You follow Me.""

My only response is to follow Him. To mind my business, to press in and deal with my own self, and to follow Him. To keep His authority over such matters at the core of my actions, and to remain faithful to His will. To constantly submit my flesh to His calling, and bend my ear to His Holy Spirit's leading. To repent of those times I dwelt on the thoughts too long, and to walk forward in His forgiveness, following Him each step of the way.

That part is up to me.

That is the part where...

I Choose.

FPU WEEK 5

Mom: So how was meeting last night? Did you cry?

Me: Yep.

This how we have resorted to talking about it. Like it is therapy.

Well, it is.

This week was about credit....cards, bureaus, scores and collections.

Needless to say, Ramsey is not a fan.

Don't buy a car on credit......save and pay.

Don't lease your car (which has honestly been tossed around in my mind).....not smart.

Quit worrying about your credit score.... you are going to stop buying on credit anyway.

Not that you do anything to damage it, but it can no longer be held over you - don't give it the power. Yes, be honorable and pay your bills - however slow or fast you can. No, you are not a punching bag. You have responsibilities. You also have rights. Make yourself aware of both. Hiding from your responsibilities won't help anything. Knowing your rights helps you handle them better.

Check your credit report.

Know collections laws.

Do not get emotional with them.

Stay calm. Let your anger be directed at getting out of debt and on firm financial ground. It is a slow climb out of that hole. One that will take determination and grit. I will pass on the Rooster Cogburn joke here. With Christ, it can be accomplished.

We have next week off, for which I am grateful.It will give me time to get fully back on the bandwagon. I want to strongly encourage you to check out FPU, money troubles or not. I promise it is worth the investment.

You can choose to stop the downward spiral.

You can choose which Master you will serve.

You can choose.

ONE ANNIVERSARY GIFT...

that we get every year is a call from Mrs. Huffman. Technically from Mr. & Mrs. Huffman. You don't know how desperately I wish I had a picture of them now. I actually met Mrs. Huffman before I married HH. I worked the early morning shift at a health club...I'll give you a few minutes to recover from that statement...and she was a patron. Mrs. Huffman is deep Southern charm and spitfire all tied up in one. I think I loved her from the moment we met. I am pretty sure I want to be a whole lot like her. On our wedding day, she brought me the most gorgeous flowers, roses, floating in beautiful bowls to put in my room. Roses she grew. Brought to the girl who checked her in at the gym. Come on now....
A few years later, Mr. and Mrs. Huffman end up attending not only my parents church but the Sunday School class my dad co-teaches. Now I might need a moment. I jest. He does a great job.
Needless to say our love, as a family, for them has only grown. She calls my baby sister's husband that thang, actually she calls him that bad thang. They are invited to birthday parties and they are there for tender passings.
She called me this morning at 9. I was at work. I hoped she would. I looked forward to it all day. I was grateful to hear that thick Southern drawl on the answering machine. It blessed my heart more than she knows. Even though I've told her....I don't think she knows.

What about you?
Is there someone who blesses you in such a way?
Then give them a shout out!
I would love to read and share your stories.

WHO DO YOU TALK TO?

I am a nerd. We have already established that. It overlaps into my bible study. It spills over into knowing who and what are the hot topics of the Christian dialogue around the water cooler.
HH is not. HH has no desire to. Unless it gets to be something really big. But he could sooner identify Matt Dillon as he could Matt Chandler. He knows nothing of the Elephant Room conversations. Every time we watched The Voice I had to retell who Anthony Evans Jr. was related to. He knows Radical is some book our pastor mentioned and I packed around. He might even go as far as to say Francis Chan was a girl.
Now when it comes to Christian music, HH totally smokes me. It is not even a fair fight.
While our different interests compliment each other there are those days I just want someone to hash out some doctrine with. To have those chapter and verse quoting debates with. To get in the Word deep and muddle our way out.
So the question today is, if you and yours are like me and mine, who do you talk to?
Girlfriends?
Siblings?
Co-Workers?
Pastor?
I really want to know.
Because I am pretty sure I am about to wear my siblings and my mama out.

FOR US THIS WEEK...

Dear Lord,
Let the angels have big swords and big shields,
and let the bad guys have nothing.

A...M...E...N.

Have a good week!

Isaiah 54:17 (NKJV)
No weapon formed against you shall prosper, and every tongue which rises against you in judgment You shall condemn. This is the heritage of the servants of the Lord, and their righteousness is from Me,”Says the Lord

FPU WEEK 4

So I did cry.

But I have been walking around with tears in my eyes for about two weeks now, so it didn't really take much. Just like to insert here how I NEVER used to cry. A decade ago I would have been just angry. Stiff lipped and angry. I am sure the people around me were confused. I wanted to be. But I am not. I know.

1 Corinthians 14:33 (NKJV)

For God is not the author of confusion but of peace, as in all the churches of the saints.

I know this $ issue is a symptom. One of many. For me. I speak for me. Exhibit A of priorities aligned improperly. In my own heart, the trial is raging. The prosecutor is condemning.

Relentless. Bringing up past failures. Past doubts. Past hurts. Present struggles.

The Defense has been quiet. I strain to hear Him. But only when I grow weary of defending myself. I spend a lot of time defending myself it seems.....

Awkward transition.....

Back To FPU....

This week was about debt. Getting out. Staying out. CHOOSING to stay out.

I think that is one of the reasons this is so hard. I know I, we, have chosen this.

In big and small decisions, we have chosen. Those choices have landed us where we are.

We are not victims. Maybe it would be easier if we were. Probably not, because then I would just wonder why us? Looking for the positive, the good thing about choosing is we can choose to stop.

I can choose to stop. I can choose to bring my guilt (real and inflated) to Jesus, about so many things, and let Him defend me.

Psalm 5:11 (NKJV)

But let all those rejoice who put their trust in You; Let them ever shout for joy, because You defend them; Let those also who love Your name be joyful in You.

I know ya'll must think I am the biggest mess. You know what - I am. A mess that has come a long way and is getting less messy. But a mess who NEEDS Jesus Christ.

I saw a tweet quoting Jenn Hatmaker that read like this-

Live it or you have no hope of leading it

(Thank you Deborah Boutwell)

I don't have a clue of the context, but I can tell you what it means to me.

If I want to lead a life that money has no hold on, I have to LIVE a life that money has no hold on.

If I want to lead a life that honors God in all, I have to LIVE a life that honors God in all.

If I want to lead a life that points others to Jesus, I have to LIVE a life that points others to Jesus.

In the big and the small.

In the brownie and the budget.

It sums up where I think God is correcting me -

Rhonda,

If you want to lead it, you need to live it.

Or as the poster in my room says,

Less talk, more walk.

Ephesians 4:1-3 (NKJV)

I, therefore, the prisoner of the Lord, beseech you to walk worthy of the calling with which you were called, with all lowliness and gentleness, with longsuffering, bearing with one another in love, endeavoring to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.

And because I will feel like I have depressed you all, AGAIN, I want to end with this -

Jesus Christ is good.

Jesus Christ is faithful.

Jesus Christ is it!