HE'LL SMILE

We have lived in our neighborhood for over a decade. Many of those years without kids, or with kids too small to be in school. Often, after the bus went by in the afternoons, I would hear these shrill, shrieking sounds. Attempts at a musical interlude if you will. I often wondered what instrument this could possibly be. Why are they playing it? Why are they so bad at it?
NOW I KNOW....
The Recorder.
It is the culprit.
Remind you I was NEVER in band. I have a vague recollection of a sister or two playing one, but it is very vague. My memories of MC 1 playing it will not be. At first he was just playing the one at school....I guess - to be honest I really have no clue. The thought of playing one at school totally grosses me out- the mouthpiece and the spit.....OHHHHH the spit.......GAG! - but one weekend without mom and sucker buy by HH and he owns his very own.
Green.
With a yellow and white string attached. Which according to him correlate to a belt in karate - I will leave the sarcasm about killing people with it out here.
HE loves it. So much so we are striving for a purple "belt". In doing so, we have determined the car has great acoustics and is THE PERFECT PLACE TO PRACTICE. I think it has more to do with the captive audience.
And I would like to say that even though I lack in musical chops, I am convinced Merrily We Roll Along and Mary Had a Little Lamb...ARE THE EXACT SAME SONG!
Either that or you have just had a glimpse into the skill level we endure.
Hey, listen, I am thrilled MC 1 loves music. I encourage him. I listen.
And listen.
A...N...D...listen.
And when he is 45 reading his mama's ramblings, he will most likely have endured THE RECORDER himself and he will know exactly what I mean.
And he will smile.

FPU WEEK 3

The Dreaded Budget.
Yes - week 3 is all about that.
Of course HH had to work late. Which, considering I am the NERD, was not that big a deal.
I will say, again, Ramsey pulls no punches. He tells you it will be difficult. He tells you it will most likely not work the first month. He tells you to be gracious in your "discussions". I'll tell you I wanted to cry. Overwhelmed is an understatement. Not so much the forms, but the emotions that go with them.
I, we, were to have our budget ready by Tuesday. I am writing this on Sunday. As of now, it's not done.
I live for the pressure.
Seems this is do or die week.
You, we, are either sold out to this or not.
No more playing like its monopoly money.
No more playing like it's ours to do with as we please.
Time to show ourselves faithful.
It's time we choose to.

BECAUSE HE KNOWS HOW I AM...

Last weekend, HH took off on another hunting adventure. This time - wild hogs. Of the squealer kind, not the John Travolta/Tim Allen on Harleys kind. When he ventures out, the MCs like to sleep in the living room on the fold-out couch. A fold-out couch with a huge metal bar running right across the middle. One that they seem to think we can all three sleep on comfortably. What usually happens is MC 2 crashes first, then me, then MC 1 (he will stay awake as long as the TV is on). Last weekend was no different. We tried to all sleep on the "bed". I have to sleep in the middle because MC 2 has to touch someone and MC 1 HATES to be touched. So I provide the buffer between the two. MC 2 nodded off. I was next. Around midnight, MC 1 decided to crash. However, he had enough of the couch and decided to relocate.
Great. No problem.
Except he decided I needed to know about it.
Problem.
The next morning I asked him why he felt the need to wake me up at midnight to tell me he was going over to the recliner.
" I didn't want you to think somebody had gotten me."
Dude - I was right here. I had all the doors locked. I think we were okay.
"Yea...but I know how you are."

Yes, yes he does.

INCONSISTENCIES

A few weeks ago at Life Group we had a discussion about consistency in our lives. Consistency in our walks and our talks. Being faithful in the good and the bad. I couldn't help but think of this quote,

"The greatest single cause of atheism in the world today is Christians who
acknowledge Jesus with their lips then walk out the door and deny him by
their lifestyle.That is what an unbelieving world simply finds unbelievable."

-thank you DC Talk

We talked about how our inconsistencies feed that.

I had a very public one last week. Most of the time, the Lord and I keep my sarcasm in check with the kiddos at school. Not that they don't ever see it, but it is tempered and never mean spirited.

One day last week, it wasn't. Which resulted in the wrong thing being said to the wrong child at the wrong time causing a great deal of hurt.

For me and the child.

I had no excuse.

I had damaged a relationship I spent months trying to build.

As much as my flesh wanted to blame others for pushing me to that point, the Holy Spirit was quick to show me it was my fault and mine alone. Our inconsistencies usually are.

Because my inconsistency was played out in public, so was my apology (and the many shades of red that went with it). My hope is that the ones who don't know Christ will see His humility in that. I pray the relationships and trust can be redeemed. I pray I accept the forgiveness extended to me and not beat myself up for it for weeks to come.

That would be inconsistent.

AM I FAITHFUL?

I was watching an interview with Priscilla Shirer talking about her book The Resolution for Women. She made the comment that someone could be a person of faith and not be a faithful person.

Made me straight up hit the pause button.

I backed the video up and listened again.

Hit that pause button again.

I wasn't sure I wanted to watch anymore.

More pointedly that I didn't want to hear anymore.

For the record I did. Watched and listened to the whole thing.

Because I knew that was me on so many levels.

Did I say was?

Is would be better.

More truthful.

Examples?

Sure.

I have faith that eating well and exercise will help me to lose weight, feel better about myself, and improve my health.

Am I faithful to that belief in my choices?

Clearly not.

I have faith in good budgeting. I believe it will free us up from a good deal of stress and allow us to bless others.

Do my choices back that up consistently?

Not yet.

I have complete faith in the Word of God. I do not doubt its power.

Is it always a priority in my life? Do I choose to place it first every day.

Not this week.

I have faith that God's plans are better than my plans.

Yet I still choose my own.

It's that disconnect.

Between what I say I believe and what I do.

What I say I believe and what rages in my thought life.

What I know to be Truth and what I let my flesh tell me is truth.

Sometimes, you may see the disconnect in me.

Sometimes you won't.

God always does.

And I always know.

Even in the little choices.

I usually know.

And I still choose.

I still let that doubt, that disconnect, creep in.

I give into the flesh instead letting the fruit of Spirit grow.

As many times I choose the disconnect, Christ always chooses to connect.

Him to me.

Me to Him.

Everyday, He is a man of faith that is eternally faithful.

It's time I started closing the gap on that disconnect.

It's time for me to be a faithful person of faith.

In the small as well as the big, although I think sometimes the big is easier.

You know the next line...

Because ultimately,

I choose.

God is faithful, by whom you were called into the fellowship of His Son, Jesus Christ our Lord.

1 Corinthians 1:9 (NKJV)

THE SHIFT

I know I have talked about this before, but I was reminded of it just this week.

The shift - it is happening.

What shift?

The shift that causes little men children to adore their daddy more than their mama.

It causes all writing assignments to about dad, something we did with dad, or something we are going to do with dad that mom doesn't want to do.

It causes little boys to mimic their daddy stirring red pepper into his dipping sauce with a fork by stirring cheese into theirs with a fork.

The shift is healthy. It is good. It is natural.

It is also a little smarting when I see it.

Stings just a bit.

A reminder that my babies are growing into men. Slowly, but growing. It serves to make me acknowledge, again, that they won't be with us forever, our time of influence is short, and we had better be deliberate about it.

The shift also brings about a sense of freedom.

Not for HH because now they want to be with him.

I can go to the store alone.

I can be in the house alone without watching TV.

Not that I want to all the time, but it is nice from time to time.

I still get my moments with them.

MC 1 and I sneak off to the store.

MC 2 and I went to a basketball game just this weekend.

They still want mama to tuck them in and lay beside them on their bed.

MC 2 still hunts me down in the middle of the night so he can get in bed with me.

But during the daylight hours, dad is usually the one they choose.

Which I understand, because I chose him too.

HAPPY VALENTINE"S DAY!

FPU - ROUND 2

Well, remember when I told you "we" were supposed to sit down and do a quickie budget. Uhm....hmmm.....that didn't happen.
"We" meant "me" and "we" meant "he" would look over it 5 minutes before we walked out the door. Got be honest, I was a little miffed. A little frustrated.
Then we went to the second class and Ramsey took away my steam.
If you have taken FPU, then you will know exactly what I mean when I say I am a money nerd and HH is a money free spirit. For the rest of you, it means I want a detailed budget made up. One that we took an entire weekend to come up with. During that weekend, I would also like for us to develop a detailed college plan for the MCs, a 5 year plan for updating our house and property, and a 10 year plan explaining where we expect to be in the next decade. All the while, talking about how we feel about these plans and how they correlate to our Christian world view.
For HH, it means I've got 17 minutes to talk to him about the budget. After that-well, I might as well be spittin' in the wind.
Over dramatization - perhaps.(Not the 17 minutes though - that is even in the book.)
But true.
The second class definitely swung things in HH "favor". It let him off the "hook" for the weekend budget retreat I had planned. It didn't exempt him from financial responsibility, but it did help me see my way is not his way.
It also put the free spirits on the spot, in that during the 17 minute meeting, they are not allowed to say "whatever you want to do is fine by me."
Heard that before? Perhaps you are the free spirit and have said it?
DRIVES....US......NERDS........C......R......A......Z......Y!
Like up the wall crazy.
Nope, he has got to change 2 things on the budget as submitted.
And I have to shut up and let him.
See that ...."let him"....seems us nerds are a bit of control freeks as well. Pretty sure that opens up a whole 'nother can of worms.
I have to say that Ramsey hit the nail on the head with his explanations of the dynamics between married couples. I found myself nodding my head and looking at HH, and then I found myself thinking "oh that is totally me" and avoiding HH's gaze as he nodded his head and looked at me.
This week we also talked about the kids. About "commissions" and chores. How we can and should compensate them for specific jobs they are assigned, but not for every thing they do. Some where we have to find the balance between teaching them the value of a dollar, working for that very dollar and the fact that some things you do because you are a part of this family. I made up some "commissions" charts for them Saturday. HH looked over them in his free spirited ways and agreed. We have discussed them and explained them to the MCs. I'll let you know after this week how it has gone.
I have to say again, this stuff isn't rocket science. It is good old common sense. Wisdom that somehow escaped us in the pursuit of life.
Some of you have this down pat.
Great!
Please don't roll your eyes at us and say well duh.
We do that enough ourselves.
Be our cheerleader!
For those of you walking where we are and have been- we will be yours!
We don't have to serve two masters.
We are not meant to.
With Jesus Christ, we can break those chains of slavery to the small master and be free to worship and serve God and Christ.
We can.
We just need to choose to take the first step.
It is time to choose.

F...P...U

Well, HH and I have sucked it up and signed on for Financial Peace University. We have put on our big girl and big boy draw'rs and got down to business.
Translation...we have been to one class.
We, like most other couples, are money personality opposites. HH is a spender. I am a saver. Well, that might not be a fair assessment since I have a difficult time saving a brownie 'til tomorrow, but when it comes to money I am more saver-ish.
After the first class, I wish I had been a lot more saver-ish. How one class can make you feel like such an idiot in one moment and give you hope in the next is beyond me. Youth is so wasted on the young. I told HH after the meeting that the MCs were taking this class when they turned 18, if not sooner.
Our first assignment is in progress. Notice I am blogging about this on Friday because one of our assignments is to sit down and do a quickie budget this weekend. I am afraid if I wait until Sunday night to share, well, it might not be so pretty.
The first meeting was a mixture of feelings.
Mad at myself for not being smarter.
Relieved I can stop being foolish.
Fearful of the steps laid out before us.
Excited to be going down that path.
Aware that the short term work will most likely be difficult and uphill.
Hopeful, knowing the end result is so worth it.
So, we start walking.
I am sure we will grow weary some days.
I am confident other days we will celebrate victories, small as they are.
The goal is not to get rich quick.
The goal is to serve the One Master well. To be a good steward of His provision. Be able to bless others in need. Be able to provide for the boys and the generations to come.

Lucky for you, you get to come along.

For the good, the bad and the ugly.

And you will love us through it, right?

Right?

You will choose to:)