HELLO WORLD.....

I am going to blame my lack of blogging on my Internet deciding it need some rest this past week. Seems it is scared of lightening and decided to duck and cover after a storm last week. MC 2 asked me last Monday where I had been all day. I have been asking myself that for the last two weeks. I just finished a power point for physics and need to get everyone up and going, so here is a statement. ( I was going to say a list, but I am pretty sure a single bullet point does not constitute a list).

• School is going great for all of us.

Hope your weeks have been good to you as well.
See you...well, someday!

IT WENT MUCH BETTER THIS TIME AROUND...

Meet the Teacher that is. Of course, it usually does when everyone is there. Last night HH got a video message from my mom showing MC 1 bungee bouncing on something. Don't think that sentence doesn't shock me. Mom sent a video message...I am impressed. We will see the boys tomorrow. Me thinks they have not missed us too much. MC 2 told mom, " We wuv it here!". Getting them home may be a chore. But higher education beckons on Monday, so they have no choice. Besides...they belong to us and have to do what we say:)
Did I tell you about the discussion the boys and I had about HH being the head of the household, aka the boss. You know, trying to instill some biblical authority thinking in them. Yep....except now they use it against me anytime they don't want to do something.
You said dad's the boss and he didn't tell us to do that.......
I am thinking we will be needing to go back and do a little reteaching there.
I hope you guys have a great weekend!

GETTING MY DATES RIGHT...

It feels like it has been forever since I last posted something. Yet it has only been a couple of days. Of course, you are reading the ramblings of a woman who thought yesterday was the 18th (ALL DAY LONG). A woman who had her HH rush home so we could go to Open House for the MCs, loaded up the haul of school supplies, only to finally realize, when there was not a single soul at the school, that yesterday WAS NOT IN FACT the 18th- which is when Open House will actually be.
A thin thread gals, hanging on by a very thin thread.
The week has been good in all truthfulness. The MCs have been at their grandparents house since Sunday. HH and I go our separate ways to work each day and then come home and crash. The school I am in is brand new, as in still not finished brand new, and is really pretty. Which kind of balances out with the way my house looks right now.
So, I am still here.
I finally know what day it is.
That, well, may the best we can hope for.
Not really, 'cause we have Jesus!

Let us hold fast to the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful.
Hebrews 10:23 (NKJV)

"I" HAVE BEEN UP FOR A WHILE...

And this is the part of starting something new I hate.
The anxiety.
The insecurities.
The being awake at 3:15 am and then 4 and then 4:15.....
The feeling that I want to cry.
That I want to eat everything in sight.
Then cry for doing that.
The desire to run to my tv and get lost in some meaningless show (s) for hours so I don't have to deal with it.
I'll be honest with you. Since I got up at 4:15 I have watched Giuliana and Bill, and am right now hoping Ren and Willard can lift my spirits with some crazy dance moves.
Then beating myself up for not being more productive.
The lecture that I gave myself last night about how MUCH, MUCH more I am going to have to get it all together, be more disciplined because when it all starts up next week, I am hitting the ground running.
New job, new ministry, new relationship, new town....
They all carry their own stuff.
Know what I noticed about my list of troubles?
There is a whole lot of "I" in there.
Even though "I" am the one fleshing these things out,
"I" don't have to do it alone.
The "I" in me can choose to be alone.
To try to do this all in my own power, control and strength.
To worry and fret and agonize what might be or what could happen or not happen.
"I" can choose that.
But the fact that "I" can choose must mean I get to pick between paths.
The "I" path, well, I have done that one.
Too many times and for too long.
Like this morning at 4:15, just for an example.
The other choice....

I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me.
Galatians 2:20 (NKJV)

Faith.
In Him.
Better choice.

CHURCH NOTES

I love being a student.

Assuming I am being educated and not just read to.

I am one of those peeps who takes fast & furious notes during a sermon.

I am also one of those people who hates to study.

Which is why it has only been over the last several months that I have been

deliberately re-studying my sermon notes during my morning devo.

Anyway, I thought it might be fun to show you my "notes".

You should in advance my note journal serves a wide range of purposes.

I'm just tellin' ya up front.

This is my official notes journal right now.

I am pretty sure SS#2 gave it to me.

Please note I am not supporting a store or a brand with these photos.

I am going to make Texas Trash later today.

We work on our numbers.

Sometimes we have to draw.

This is what my "notes" look like.

I try to highlight while I am re-reading.

Note the frustration at the whippersnapper Nanny?

I write myself a key point.

What about you?

Are you a fastidious note taker?

Are you a straight up auditory learner?

Perhaps kinesthetic?

How do you process your sermons each week?

'Cause, ya' know, we're kinda suppossed to.

20 YEARS LATER....

This past weekend was my 20 year high school reunion.

In case you are worried because I haven't talked about HH's reunion:

1. I am older than him.

2. He was the only one in his graduating class.

So everyday is a reunion for him...

Several weeks ago I was pretty nervous about going.

I did not go to our ten year one for that very reason.

High school was hard for me.

We moved when I was a sophomore from the only friends I had ever known.

Not just to a new school, or even a new town, but a new state.

To say I had a chip on my shoulder would be like saying it's just a little warm in Texas right now.

I was not the nicest person who walked the halls.

I was mouthy.

I was angry.

I was scared out of my head.

20 years later you would think all those feelings would be gone.

For the most part they were.

They were replaced with feelings of guilt and shame for how difficult I had made life.

Over the last few weeks, I have really been praying for the Lord to let me just be me when I went.

Not the angry girl.

Not the mouthy girl, with killer witty sarcasm.

Not the girl who was scared out of her head.

I wanted to walk in there a girl in love with Jesus.

A girl glad to see each and everyone of them.

A girl who had grown into a woman,

and that woman knows exactly who she is in Christ.

I have to say He answered.

It was wonderful to see faces I had not seen for 20 years.

It was good to see faces I saw last month.

I laughed.

I hugged.

I wished for more time.

Some had faced difficulty.

Some were doing exactly what they were meant to do.

I found myself praying for them all the other day.

That God would restore those that had suffered loss.

That He would speak to them.

That He would love on them.

I hope I don't have to wait 20 more years to do that myself.

I tried to steal other pics from that "book place", but this was the only one that let me.

IT'S A RARE SIGHTING...

As we are walking out the door, going to my 20 year high school reunion...

MC 2: Mom? What is that on your lips?

It's called lipstick son.

I know....sad, so very sad.

FASHION, FREEDOM, AND THE FARM

NOT SO FUNNY...

HH was looking at my blog last night, asking me questions, wondering who reads it besides Rebecca, stuff like that. He then said,

It is so long, and it used to be funny. You used to write about funny stuff.

To which I replied:

1. Funny stuff has to happen.

2. Life is not always funny.

It reminded me of a story I heard Beth Moore tell about a conversation with mom. After she started teaching, I believe, her mom commented on how Beth used to be funnier before she was a bible teacher.

The truth of it is that sometimes this life we walk, and this walk with Christ, is hilarious. Maybe because something really funny did happen. Maybe because the irony of what happened forces us to laugh. And on some days, it's funny because the only other choice is to crawl up in the fetal position and cry your eyes out. Laugh or cry, laugh or cry.

Then there are times when it is not. Times of frustration, like when you lay out a large sum of cash to get an automobile repaired, only for it to come back not. Times of disappointment, when you realize things and people weren't what they thought they were, and you realize you aren't either. Times of sadness when we lose something or someone precious to us. Times of confusion when we cannot for the life of us figure out why something happened or what we are supposed to do with it.

All times that have varying degrees.

Yesterday was not a funny day for me. I was mad. About a lot of things. I sat before the Lord in my rocking chair and ran off my list of things I was mad at. I knew my attitude was bad. I read my scriptures for the day and then I walked away from them. About an hour later I came back to my journal and was ready to deal with myself. My readings were over Hezekiah. His sickness. His healing. His lifted heart. I could not help but ask for forgiveness. Forgiveness for lifting my heart to my circumstances. Praying that when these temporary circumstances were over, and they are temporary, I would not forget God who has healed me. I would not be vain enough to show off all my stuff and forget to honor the very Christ who has provided for it.

And I was the better for it.

Nothing changed circumstantially.

My focus had.

We are not promised funny.

We are promised joy.

We are promised peace.

We are promised He is with us.

And it is my choice to remember that.

How precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God!

How great is the sum of them!

If I should count them, they would be more in number than the sand;

When I am awake, I am still with You.

Psalm 139:17-18

FOOTSTEPS OF INDEPENDENCE

As I am getting into the shower...

MC 2: Mom, I can make my own breakfast.

Okay. What are you going to make?

MC 2: A peanut butter and jelly sandwich. I can do it mom, I can do it.

As I am in the shower...

pitterpatterpitterpatter

MC 2: Mom, where is the jelly?

In the fridge.

pitterpatterpitterpatter

MC 2 : Mom, where is the bread?

On the table.

pitterpaterpitterpatter

Those pitterpatters are his steps toward independence.

Soft at first, growing louder each day.

They are hard to hear, but necessary.

Someday I will miss them.

"WEEK"ENDS...

Some weeks a girl has just got to push through.

Regardless of how she feels.

Regardless of what the scale says.

Regardless of the all the old insecurities that try to raise their evil little heads.

This past weekend I turned 38. Which looks much older than I feel when you actually write the number down. Next weekend, I have my 20 year high school reunion. In between, I have my first day of new teacher orientation where first impressions will be made. Now any one of those could set loose a sundry of doubts, fears and insecurities. But all three in one week? Well...if you are a girl child... you know. What to wear? What will people think? Am I going to do that goofy nervous thing I do? Do I have a clue as to what I am even doing here?

I know many of you face challenges right up this ally every week. Some of you face weightier ones every day. So, as my friend Casey says,

You pray for me and I'll pray for you.

Have a good week!

It will end well!

THE OBLIGATORY BIRTHDAY POST...

And now I am 38.

HH asked me that morning if I felt old.

He always does because I am officially older than him now.

I really didn't.

What I did was remember where my family was when my mom turned 38.

How, at the time, she had 4 girls ranging from 15 to 6.

How she and my dad packed us up and moved us to another state.

How I could not even fathom having a 15 year old right now.

Or just starting to have kids.

We talked about ideas I had of getting married at 22, kids at 24ish, and how the Lord in His wisdom did not stick to my plans at all.

I guess I left the conversation feeling like I couldn't imagine my life timeline any different. It is good the way it is.

Which is a good feeling to have on your birthday.