MY DAD

I know Father's Day has come & gone, and I neglected to post about my dad. So he gets today. My dad is the oldest of a lot of kids (and we will leave it at that for my grandmother's sake). He grew up poor, worked hard, went to college, graduated college (which apparently they did not even think was going to happen and neglected to order him a diploma), got a good job, married a cute little blonde (NOT her natural color.. BTW she thought he WOULD NEVER get mad at HER because she was so cute:0) Yeah we LOL that one too!) and had him some daughters. Daughters he worked like sons. Daughters he loved like princesses. Daughters who he had no idea how to deal with (having only one sister). My dad instilled in us all hard work & integrity. It was never "if" we went to college, but WHEN we went to college. May I brag and say we all did:o) He taught us to stand up for what was right. To say we all have a tendency to become a tad bit vocal when we see injustice living out before us would be an understatement. He instilled in us a love for basketball and a tolerance for westerns. My dad is not overtly religious, but those times it comes through it shines like the Son and is as solid as the very Rock it is built on. He also taught us how to laugh... good deep belly laughs and provided us with many opportunities to do so. He likes to tell new people he meets that I am his oldest daughter by his first wife, which just gets their gossip juices a wondering. From dad I learned how to ride a horse, drive a tractor, haul hay, clean quail, and shoot a jump shot. I learned how to stand and fight when I needed to and how to walk away when it was called for. We have spent countless hours on horseback and in the woods- hunting, chopping firewood, clearing fence. Dad has seen hard times as well. He has buried as many siblings as I have. He has spent years working for a dream that has yet to come to total fruition.
My dad is one of a kind. Whether he was imitating Bod and dancing going "boo-doop-di-doop", working on his quick draw, or strapping my youngest to the front of the tractor in the winter so he could hay the cows (yes there was a box of sorts and my kid was perfectly safe- hindsight is a nice thing), he keeps us constantly entertained. And constantly in check.
So dad , on this very special day - I love you and am proud to be your first kid by your first wife.
(okay mom, go get him and let him read it:o)
Love you dad!
" I am not responsible for what people think I am only responsible for who I am."

HELLO AGAIN!

Back from the world of dentists and vets and more dentists. All went well.. better than well. Root canal has been virtually pain free...Praise the Lord. Did a little work on my thought closet - made a little headway-that is always good!
Reading in scripture today, Hosea 6:1-3 struck me. The title is a call to repentance.

Come, and let us return to the LORD

For He has torn, but He will heal us;

He has stricken, but He will bind us up.

2 After two days He will revive us;

On the third day He will raise us up,

That we may live in His sight.

3 Let us know, Let us pursue the knowledge of the LORD.

His going forth is established as the morning;

He will come to us like the rain,

Like the latter and former rain to the earth

Now my commentary at the bottom says that this is Israel crying out but that in the process they blame God for their troubles. Eh- I don't know.

But here is a thought that came across my mind:

In many of our lives God tears down and out the stuff that separates us from Him. And as I understand it anything that separates us from God is called one thing ... sin. Whether we mean for it to be there or not it is still sin. Fear or anxiety (hello me), anger or bitterness (oh sorry me again), idleness of time, lack of discipline, maybe even things you think as good - volunteering, church work, regular work... whatever you deal with, because as you can see my plate is full. Anyway, what God tears out of me, He will heal up. What repentance He has stricken me with, He will bind up. The consequences of my sin that He has allowed, He will walk me through when I repent. He wants me to pursue faithfulness and loyalty to Him and Him alone, to love Him like no other. Now this is not to stay by any means that whatever you are going through is a punishment from God. Sometimes stuff just happens. Sickness, death, loss of jobs whatever. Look at Job. However, in either case, He can be glorified and work it for good if we seek Him.

That is my challenge to myself today. To repent and let Him do His good and perfect will in my life. To let Him remodel me from the inside out.

His going forth is established, His goodness and perfection are established, His word is established, as sure as the sun will rise until He tells it to stop.

So whatever you are dealing with, let Him have it. He will redeem it. He bankrupts the Pawn Shop of our lives. He has bought us and all our stuff back through Christ Jesus. He loves us so! Me & you:)

SUMMER TIME

How do you know it is summer in the South? When perfectly good dogs go from looking like this:

Beauty isn't she?
Handsome fella, right?
To looking like this:

One word......

MUFASA!
Mainly for our enjoyment:o)

I do the same thing after I have a haircut- it is so freeing! PS- Root canal went great today (at least part 1). Thanks for the prayers and keep them coming!

DOWN & OUT

Due to some serious tooth pain, a trip to the dentist and the report of a root canal, I will be off blog world till Friday. Please pray for God's hand on my oh so anxious mind, that I remember my God is in control and for quick recovery. Thank you.

DEFINING MOMENT

I DVR'd Oprah the other day to watch the Elizabeth Edwards interview. Let me state up front I do not typically watch Oprah, especially with her secret and all, however, I did want to hear what Mrs. Edward's had to say. I have to say, I thought it was really good & honest. (Note I am also not a fan of John Edwards, even before his running arounds).

Elizabeth talked about how she found out, the lack of trust, how she found out AGAIN, the anger, why she is still married etc. One point she made has come back to my mind in the
wee hours of the morning. I won't get it word for word because it was the wee hours of the morning but the gist of it goes like this:

When asked why she did not leave, her reply was basically that she was not going to let this affair define her marriage. She and the mister had 30 good years together. 30 years of love and patience and support and loyalty and she could not & would not let this mistake nullify all of that. Does not mean he is not suffering consequences. It does not mean she is all Pollyanna about the whole thing. But what she looked at was the relationship that had been built over time.

Now I do not know what the Edwards family's religious beliefs are- but I have got to say her response prompted me to think about my God. How He does the same.

On the same night as I watched Mrs. Edward's the Lord woke me at 12:30 am. (Yes that is VERY early). Was not really sure what He wanted, and knew I needed to finish my Deeper Still study for the week, so I got up and worked on that. It was right on track with Mrs. Edward's interview.

All of this to say how grateful I am that the Lord does not let my sin define me or our relationship. Especially after the last four weeks of bitterness. Grateful that the plans for me that He has are not negated totally by my shortcomings. Are they delayed? Quite possibly. But never totally wiped off His agenda. Grateful for a God who calls an adultery committing murderer a man after His own heart. Grateful to a God who says that a man who slept with his wife's handmaiden to conceive a child God had promised he & his wife ALONE, never waivered in his faith. Grateful to a God who takes a harlot from a town and has the gall to put her in the lineage of His One, True & Holy Son!

Grateful to a God who still has plans for me, who looks at our relationship to define me, more importantly He looks at Christ in me to define me, and who will stick by me, consequences and all.

SICK FEELING

I went in yesterday to do my bible study, but needed to be dealt with first about the bitterness. This is what came out of it. Sometimes it rhymes & sometimes it doesn't. Don't know if it was meant to. So be kind you grammar kings & queens:)

Sick in the pit of my stomach.
Yep - that is how it felt.
When I let the bitterness card
cease to be dealt.
When I turned my thoughts toward Him
and away from them.
Bitterness is a tricky business;
profitable as it may seem.
The retaliation you could have done
but never would
because you hold yourself in high esteem.
Makes you think you have taken the higher road,
but a higher road in sin is still a road in sin,
and on that road is not a race
that I desire to win.
When bitterness is gone, you see where you fell short
maybe not of man's standard but of His.
Maybe I did act better than they,
but it is His standard I am called to obey.
Sick in the pit of my stomach.
However, I will not linger there,
for Christ took the cross I was meant to bear.
Before His glorious throne I bow
repenting and turning in the here and now.
He is quick to forgive.
His blood He does so freely give.
I messed up - no one but me
In that throne room He is all I see
Not them or him or her or they;
it really does not matter what anyone has to say.
Only Christ can forgive what I have done
and it is His race that I hope to have won.

LOVE SONGS

HH wrote me the sweetest love song... wanna see it?

Isn't it lovely? Remember here, I told you fashion was his love language. You eyes are not deceiving you - that is HOT PINK! Shiny, grey & hot pink Under Armor shoes. Why you ask? Because I am a heck of a UFC party hostess and that makes him love me even more! That and the fact that I would never have bought those for myself and if he wants me to have any fashionista in me or on me he is gonna have to buy it himself.

OUT BY THE ROOTS

I don't know about you, but I tend to be a bit hardheaded. Shocking I know. I mean it took the actual numbers in this test for me to believe I was really just bossy. Anyway.... so when the Lord wants my attention sometimes He needs to bombard me at every turn. And so He has. At the current moment, I am doing both the Anointed, Transformed, Redeemed Deeper Still Bible study and the Me, Myself and Lies Bible study, and we are attending a new church.
Our attempt to leave our previous church with no hurt feelings has failed, due to both sides (us & them). So to say I have been mad (or at least with an underlying current of anger) for the past 6 weeks would not be a stretch. I have tried in my own power not to be and have even tried in what I thought was the Lord's power to move on, but apparently my flesh and pride and will are hanging on for dear life and I am not letting go as I thought I was.
I should come as no surprise that both bible studies and the past two sermons have centered around or included one of these two verses:

Ephesians 4:31 "Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior" New Living Translation

Hebrews 12:15 "looking carefully lest anyone fall short of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up cause trouble, and by this many

become defiled;" New King James Version

The silly thing about it is I am having the same irrational arguments in my head that I have told other people not to have:

If I forgive it makes it right.....

I need them to say I was right.....

They owe me an apology....

Blah Blah Blah........

Which is exactly what they probably think too.

Such lies of the enemy. Getting rid of all that is not for the THEM. Yes they benefit from it, but nowhere near the extent I do. Getting rid of all that is for me. By chunking that stuff out the door, I shut out a chance for the enemy to get a foothold which so quickly becomes a stronghold. It is best for me, my family, my relationships, my everything. Six weeks is too long. It is time to clean house and get rid of the junk. So today I start. And tomorrow I will do it again. And when the next time to be offended or let bitterness take root comes up- I will chunk it to. By the power of the Holy Spirit and the grace of Christ within me I will. I have purposed in my heart to do so.

I choose to.

IT APPEARS TO BE HARVEST TIME

So yesterday morning I was making my bed, thinking about MC 2 and his recent round of antics. I was thinking how I would have never thought he would have been strong enough to lift the ladder. Then I was thinking how he is almost fearless and I need to find a way to channel that courage into something productive.
That is when it hit me. This is the song I sing over MC 2 & MC 1 at times & especially when they were babies:
Be strong and courageous (insert MC 2's name 2x)
Be strong and courageous MC 2, MC 2
For the Lord your God is with you
He'll never leave you or forsake you
Be strong and courageous MC 2, MC 2
I am sure the irony is not lost on you.
Apparently I am now reaping the seeds I spoke over my boys. What a powerful reminder of the power of our words. Not a mystical, in my human flesh & power- but the power of the Word being spoken as my words.
Leaves me speechless.

THEY HAVE MILITARY SCHOOL FOR TODDLERS RIGHT?

Okay - prior to his lightening bug experience yesterday, mc 2 had also ascended to the top of our 10 ft ladder outside yesterday. Yes he climbed the wrong side and was just looking around. Today he had to go to school and he came back with a vengeance. First he was up by 5:30 AM. Second, I had laid the ladder down sideways because I felt confident that there was no way a 2 foot tall person could set up a 10 foot ladder. Oh how wrong was I? VERY! I went out this afternoon and he had set it up AGAIN. I said "Don't climb it" in my sternest voice possible. He promises "I won't mommy", but as we saw yesterday he has a tendency to speak some untruths. I stepped inside to lay what I had in my hands down, right back out to find him atop MT. LADDER again. Okay, so then as I cook supper, I catch him EATING the flour I just dredged the pork chops in - YUCK!! Third- he totally destroyed his bed when Nanny stopped by for a visit- mattress of the floor - bedding out.
And I have signed up to stay home with this one every day for a year??
Prayer......we...he.. I...I...I...I....I.. need lots of prayer.
Thank you for your time.

Did I mention that all this was going on while I was dealing with a young-en who was trying to wake up from dental work and was in tears because he had the hiccups? And his legs hurt. And he ate chocolate pudding too soon. And had a meltdown because I would not let him have gum and I changed from Star Wars Clone Wars. Did I mention all that? Well, as I wrote this the Spirit quickly convicted me how blessed a woman I am.

Yes - I am a blessed woman! I love all my boys madly. Besides without them what would I blog about? Whew - I feel better now. Encourage yourself in the Lord the word says. Think I just did:)

YOUR ARE POSITIVELY GLOWING!

We have been struggling with bed time. The men children do not like bed time & it is usually a battle. So imagine my surprise when on Monday they went to bed and laid down willingly. We prayed, kissed and that is when I saw it. Years of teaching public school have trained this eagle eye! The soft glow of an iPod.
So I wrestled it away, wailing ensued, I leave and of course they need water. Up we go to get a drink. Again my teaching has paid off with my super sensitive ears. (Yes kiddos - we can hear you - we choose normally to ignore your idle chatter)
man child 2 whispering (or so he thinks) ... " I got it.I got the iPod- come on." So I get up just in time to see him shove it into the front of his underwear. I follow him to the room & I kid you not he stands there with his groin area glowing protesting " I don't have it mama, I don't have it!"
I can not tell you how many high school kids I have seen with that same disease. Lights are dim and suddenly their "personal area" glows brighter than Homer Simpson at the nuclear plant.
So I rescue the iPod for the depths of MC 2's underoos and send them to bed.
My dilemma now- do I tell HH in the morning or do I let it go? How do you disinfect an iPod? HH will be totally grossed out by this. The man sanitizes after Wal-Mart! What will I do? Will have to update to let you know.
Boys are so much fun:0)

** UPDATE- I informed HH of his iPod's trip through the underoos. Fortunatley we had just bathed so everyone was clean and he didn't freak out. It just felt wrong not to tell him when all of you knew:)

NAME THAT BAND

HH & I (mainly I) are not night owls. I rarely am up past 10:30pm. Saturday night we felt our youth returning. I blame all the reminiscing about the good ol' days of Aggieland (Whoop!). Maybe we thought we were college kids again and could pull a late nighter and get away with it. We had company for dinner and got the kids in bed around 10 and then we lost our minds. I had recorded the newest Love Comes (or Finds) ...... movies from Hallmark so I decided to watch those. HH was looking up tunes on iTunes for his gig on Tuesday. (Did I tell you he got new drums? No... Oh HEY guess what HH bought new drums). Somehow his search for music turned into a Name that Band contest of classic country, '60's rock, '80's pop, and '80's one hit wonders! We traveled down MANY memory lanes and learned a thing or two along the way. For example, HH thought "I Heard It Through The Grapevine" was originally from the California Raisin commercial. Obviously my in laws did not watch The Big Chill 50 million times & buy the soundtrack unlike some set of unmentionable parents. Someone once asked me how I knew Jeremiah was a bullfrog - my response - "My parents are old" - and I wasn't even trying to be funny. We also learned that Neil McCoy did not sing Day-O first and that there really is a song that goes "In the jungle the mighty jungle the lion sleeps tonight". I am pretty sure HH was sheltered.


But it was fun and we laughed and paid for it Sunday morning. It was worth it though! Now if I can just catch back up on my sleep:)

IT'S A HARD COUNTRY AND IT CALLS FOR HARD MEN

West Texas changes a man.

For some, it is a time warp. Right back to classic country of the '60's & 70's. HH does not listen to a lot of country music. He is more of a '80's heavy metal / hair band mix (an enigma I know- goes with the golf & hunting). So imagine my shock when we finally were reunited (and it felt so good........sorry - couldn't resist it -hangover from West Texas) and his radio was on some local station playing the Hanks, Mr. Cash and other classics. He hardly ever listens to that stuff. Apparently there is an imaginary line you cross on your way to West Texas where you are transported back instantaneously. It does not appear that when you cross that same line on your way home you get quite such a quick return. Apparently you progress. We are now in the era when HH lived in Bryan/College Station. We spent the other day listening to Rick Trevino classics. Can I say hello Hall of Fame? Denim & Diamonds? Hurricane Harry's? The Chicken.. and in later years Shadow Canyon. (Yes I was there at the same time, but by God's providence we never met- good thing ya'll I promise!) Hopefully we are making our way into the current CENTURY and our musical tastes will return to normal. I have enjoyed the little trip down memory lane but you can't stay in the past. Plus it all makes me want to do a two step and HH REFUSES to dance with me because he maintains that I can't.

The other profound affect is on apparel. Man child 1 sees himself as more a skater/hip hop kid. However, after 36 hours in West Texas he is now a cowboy. He has new boots and new clothes, heavy starch thank you very much. The girl at the dry cleaners actually asked if I wanted the line down the jeans - HELLO? - that is the whole point! Here is a pic of the boots:

And yes we are wearing them with the pants tucked in. Because that is the only way you could see the orange!

It is a hard country, and it calls for hard men. No sissy hair bands in the West. Only tough songs about tough men who wear what MC1 calls the "hard jeans", boots and starched shirts.

Yep, West Texas changes a man.

TRICKY LITTLE ONE

I have rarely if ever been the "youngest" for any length of time. I am the oldest of my siblings. I am the first grandkid on my dad's side, and middle on mom's side. I am even older than HH. Obviously being the oldest has shaped my personality. I just tell people what I want or want to do. If I don't want to do it- well I just say that and leave it. (Don't believe me- see this post on my bossy little self). So I don't really know how the mind of the "youngest" works. However, man child 2 is schooling me. I am now on to his ways. He has developed what he believes is his get out of jail free card. Here is an example. Man child 2 was supposed to be sharing a bag of pretzels with me last night. I went to get some and he yanked the bag away.

Hey, I thought you were supposed to be sharing?

Looking frontwards and not at me- No, I don't want to share.

Slowly turns toward me & smiles- I love you.

Because that makes everything okay if you say I love you. He has done this a time or two before. At first I was pulled in by the big blue eyes and insanely too cute smile. Now I am on to him. Now my resolve is strengthened to resist those charms. I can resist the pure confessions of love by my youngest offspring whose entire goal in life is to be with me as close as he possibly can. At least until the tractors show up at which point I become chopped liver. I will not fall prey to his ways any longer.

(Yeah right - who are we kidding? He has me every time he does it. Ugh..)

NEW BLOG SITE

This is shaky ground for me, so I will throw my little insecure self out there and trust that my God will catch me (and you too. Catch you that is- not you catching me cause well that would be awkward!)
Have a new blog spot that is strictly bible study formatted. The blog page is http://deliberatedeliverance.blogspot.com/. Hopefully I will get a tab or a button or whatever they are called up but until then - write it down.
These will be studies that I have written under the Lord's direction. Some may accuse me of "tooting my own horn", however, please know that is not the intent. Do I hope you like them - sure I do- but more IMPORTANTLY I pray Jesus is glorified in them and that you love Him more because of them. So if you are interested, the scoot on over & check it out. Whether you like them or not, I will keep doing them until the Lord leads me in another direction. You will need pen, paper & a bible. First one is called DELIBERATE. So - hope you check it out!

This blog will still be my personal- day in the life- blog so to keep up with the adventures of the men children & HH (Hunter Hub's) keep coming back to I Choose!

Whew - glad that is over :0)