DO YOU EVER STRUGGLE...

with status? Do you ever find yourself arguing why "she" was chosen to teach that bible class when you have been a faithful servant and clearly it was your time? Ever battle with feelings of insecurity and envy in the depths of your heart when you see others favored by "man" while you seem overlooked?

I have. At times, I still do. Let's be honest, there are those days when I find myself questioning why this person is elevated in position. Why is the person being "favored"? Why does she get to be best friends with so and so, while I sit on the sidelines. I can get myself worked up into a good frenzy. Thankfully, some maturity in me at least manages to keep the debate to myself or HH. I have learned that much along the way.

Doesn't change things though. It still feels petty, childish, and self- absorbed. It still hurts, feels raw, and very much sends me on an emotional roller coaster ride of insecurities I keep pushed down.

I have often berated myself for such thoughts. After all, they are very fleshy, but then, so am I. So were the disciples. We see it in Mark 10 with James and John. Matthew 20 attributes the same moment to their mama. Listen, as a mama, NOTHING will get you more flesh-filled then thinking someone has done your baby wrong, or is about to. Come on- you mama's know that it is true. In John 21 we see Peter asking a similar question.

What about him?

What about her? What about her is so special she gets that?

Why aren't I even being considered for that position?

Bottom line, there is one answer that shuts all those questions down. I was reminded of it in a footnote found in my Bible.

Rank, position, and reward are His to give to whomever He chooses. (from Matthew 21 footnotes).

Regardless of how I feel about it, if I understand it, what great points I have for my case, or any other reason I can come up, those are His to give as He seems fit.

As He CHOOSES.

My response, my choice (as hard as it may seem) is found in Christ's answer to Peter in the book of John,

John 21:22 (NKJV)

"Jesus said to him, "If I will that he remain till I come, what is that to you? You follow Me.""

My only response is to follow Him. To mind my business, to press in and deal with my own self, and to follow Him. To keep His authority over such matters at the core of my actions, and to remain faithful to His will. To constantly submit my flesh to His calling, and bend my ear to His Holy Spirit's leading. To repent of those times I dwelt on the thoughts too long, and to walk forward in His forgiveness, following Him each step of the way.

That part is up to me.

That is the part where...

I Choose.