INVISIBLE

I wasn't really sure how to start this post, but about a week ago, a lunch table discussion gave me the perfect word....invisible.

Have you ever felt invisible? Our lunch table discussion brought up examples like being the only childless woman at a baby shower or being the little older, still single gal at the bridal showers. Some mentioned feeling that even at church not a soul would notice if they were there or not. Even in your own family, feeling as if no one sees what you do or what you deal with. 

Invisible. 

Can I tell you I had myself a good old fit about this a couple of weeks ago? Let me back up and say this- there are times when I fight off the little waves of attack when I feel I am not seen and then there are my two year-old tantrums where I want to take my toys and hide just to see if anyone will miss me. Just to dare them not too! This was one of those fits.

My family doesn't care....

My friends don't care....

I could miss church for months and no one would even notice....

No one checks in one me....

No one is concerned about me....

As one of my students drew on his notes the other day,

blah.....blah....blah....

Note to you: please don't send me messages or call me telling me you do care out of guilt. I know those of you who do, well, you really do. The rational me knows this, but this particular week, the emotional, insecure me was driving the bus.

So, in the middle of my self-imposed, and escalating tantrum, I made a decision. 

I was responding to no one for a week.

No calls.

No texts.

No Facebook discussions.

No tweets.

I would speak only when directly spoken to.

In my mind, they didn't care and I was about to prove it. 

And prove it I did.

I proved that I was not the center of their universe.

I proved that the world still went around with out my two cents worth.

I proved I could isolate myself quit nicely if I wanted to.

I proved I could be a mighty good cave dweller.

Want to know what the funny thing about that cave was, though? I wasn't alone. 

HH was there, and it seems I hadn't been talking to him in a while. The week of no calls to anyone on the outside left me time to talk to him.

And Him. Yes, I hadn't been talking, or listening, to Him very well either.   

Seems I had been treating them both as if they were invisible.

Truth is, you and I are not invisible. We may not be seen by the people we want to be seen by. We may not be seen by the people we think should see us. But we are seen. There are people watching us every day. People who see how we respond to what comes our way. People who see how we act when we think no one sees. Little ones who watch what mommy does as she goes through her mundane chores. 

And we are seen by El Roi, the God who sees.

You and I do not go unnoticed by the God of the universe. When the enemy tries to convince us otherwise, lead us into a tantrum, and seal us up in a cave, we must choose to believe what Christ has said.

He sees us.

Isaiah 49:15-17

¹⁵ 

“Can a woman forget her nursing child,

And not have compassion on the son of her womb?

Surely they may forget,

Yet I will not forget you.

¹⁶ 

See, I have inscribed you on the palms of My hands;

Your walls are continually before Me.

 (NKJV)

We are not invisible. 

I hope you choose to believe that truth.

HE IS RISEN, HE IS RISEN INDEED!

Mark 16

(NKJV)

He Is Risen

16 Now when the Sabbath was past, Mary Magdalene, Mary the mother of James, and Salome bought spices, that they might come and anoint Him. 

² Very early in the morning, on the first day of the week, they came to the tomb when the sun had risen. 

³ And they said among themselves, “Who will roll away the stone from the door of the tomb for us?” 

⁴ But when they looked up, they saw that the stone had been rolled away—for it was very large.

 ⁵ And entering the tomb, they saw a young man clothed in a long white robe sitting on the right side; and they were alarmed.

⁶ But he said to them, “Do not be alarmed. You seek Jesus of Nazareth, who was crucified. He is risen! He is not here. See the place where they laid Him.

 ⁷ But go, tell His disciples—and Peter—that He is going before you into Galilee; there you will see Him, as He said to you.”

YOU KNOW WHAT I HAVE LEARNED DURING THIS SEASON OF LENT...

is that I choose.

* Disclaimer - I know there are individuals who have addictions that they simply cannot just choose to not do. Be it alcohol, food, drugs, sex, pride.....I know. 
I know because I know and have known them. I have seen them desperately try to just stop, only to be lured back again, pulled down deeper in to a pit they can't get out of. 

This is not that story. This is my story,  because I also know that there are also a good number of us who walk defeated because we choose to. 

The hallelujah chorus for both stories is the fact that without Jesus Christ, without choosing Jesus Christ, we would all be lost. It's by His strength and grace that any of us walk in victory, not matter how big or small. 

okay - back to my story....

Yes, I still choose.
Food is an battle for me, especially sweets. They have been my go to comfort.They have been my go to stress relief. They have been my go to best friend when I felt friendless. They have been my idol...let's call them what they are. They have been heaped onto wounds and insecurities in futile attempts to appease the flesh. Restraint had been cast off.

I have given up candy, chocolate, and the like before for Lent, but this time was different. I needed to break the cycle and establish Who was going to take the lead. I had honestly felt defeated. I felt that the sweets were stronger. I felt I couldn't walk away and once I started, I was a goner.

I chose to bring this situation, and all its ugliness, to the Lord. During this season of Lent, it was no longer a sacrifice but a choice - to put Him first. I imagine my surprise when about two weeks in I realized I had walked in some victory. The moment when I realized those carbs did not have near the power over me like I thought they did when I laid them down before Jesus. Can I get an amen on how our areas of defeat pale in comparison to the Throne of Christ Jesus? How, many times, the thing we were beat down with, which felt like a telephone pole when we battling in our own strength, was nothing more than a flimsy reed when dealt with by the Hand of God?

By relying on Him, I could, and can, walk away.
Which is a good reminder as the days of Lent grow to an end. A reminder that this is victory does not just have to be for a season, but can be for everyday from here on out.

I choose.

FOR THOSE WHO FEEL ALONE, UNSEEN & DEFEATED....

Psalm 25 (NIV)

Of David.

¹ 

In you, Lord my God,

    I put my trust.

² 

I trust in you;

    do not let me be put to shame,

    nor let my enemies triumph over me.

³ 

No one who hopes in you

    will ever be put to shame,

but shame will come on those

    who are treacherous without cause.

⁴ 

Show me your ways, Lord,

    teach me your paths.

⁵ 

Guide me in your truth and teach me,

    for you are God my Savior,

    and my hope is in you all day long.

⁶ 

Remember, Lord, your great mercy and love,

    for they are from of old.

⁷ 

Do not remember the sins of my youth

    and my rebellious ways;

according to your love remember me,

    for you, Lord, are good.

⁸ 

Good and upright is the Lord;

    therefore he instructs sinners in his ways.

⁹ 

He guides the humble in what is right

    and teaches them his way.

¹⁰ 

All the ways of the Lord are loving and faithful

    toward those who keep the demands of his covenant.

¹¹ 

For the sake of your name, Lord,

    forgive my iniquity, though it is great.

¹² 

Who, then, are those who fear the Lord?

    He will instruct them in the ways they should choose.

¹³ 

They will spend their days in prosperity,

    and their descendants will inherit the land.

¹⁴ 

The Lord confides in those who fear him;

    he makes his covenant known to them.

¹⁵ 

My eyes are ever on the Lord,

    for only he will release my feet from the snare.

¹⁶ 

Turn to me and be gracious to me,

    for I am lonely and afflicted.

¹⁷ 

Relieve the troubles of my heart

    and free me from my anguish.

¹⁸ 

Look on my affliction and my distress

    and take away all my sins.

¹⁹ 

See how numerous are my enemies

    and how fiercely they hate me!

²⁰ 

Guard my life and rescue me;

    do not let me be put to shame,

    for I take refuge in you.

²¹ 

May integrity and uprightness protect me,

    because my hope, Lord, is in you.

²² 

Deliver Israel, O God,

    from all their troubles!

You are not. 

WHICH ROOM DO YOU CHOOSE?

Mc 1 and I are sprawled out on the couches watching AFV. I just walked into the kitchen and let me tell you, the cleanliness of it made me so happy. I like a tidy house, but a clean kitchen is my top choice if only one room is going to get done. For some it's the bathroom, but I live in a house full of men, 2/3 of whom don't have the best of aim (the driving years concern me because they tend to lean in whichever direction their eyes wander), so I gave up on that one.


Today's question is which room do you choose?
When you get up in the morning, what's the one room you want clean?
Let your OCD loose!!!

SPRING BREAK 2013

has been full of everything I wanted it to be... lots and lots of home time!
I am a homebody. I like to stay home. I would rather stay home. Now I do get the urge to leave my cave after a few weeks of solitary confinement, but it takes A FEW WEEKS.
HH is not that way. He is not wired for the home. A day is about as long as he can go without venturing out among the English.
The boys have been okay with it. They had a big weekend to kick things off. Friday we went to WinterJam because the one and only Toby Mac was going to be there, along with Matthew West, Jamie Grace, and Newsong just to name a few. If you have never been, let me warn you, 10 bands takes a bit of time, but for $10, completely worth it! The boys liked all the bands except one, Red, who were a little too loud for their taste, even if the fire show was spectacular. They kept asking if we could go outside. Considering we were at the top of the arena, with a lot of stairs between us and the bottom, the answer was a no. MC 1 asked, "Are they still screaming about Jesus?"
Yes, yes they were, and delighting HH while doing it. He likes that kind of music. He's an odd duck.
Saturday found the boys and I waking up at my mama and daddy's house, which meant biscuits and gravy for all. We fed animals for some friends of ours, and then they had a big fishing adventure with HH while I took a road trip with mamacita to my baby sister's baby gender reveal party.
Sunday we crashed. Which is what we have done for most of the week. We have cleaned, gone through closets, got caught up on laundry, you know things like that. We didn't leave the house until Tuesday, and only out of necessity. HH made us get out last night. If I can work it, today we go nowhere.
I know it's not very exciting, and a week at the beach is enticing, but for this week, this year, it is what I choose.

What about you?
What do you like to do for Spring Break? 
Homebody or world traveler?
What do you choose?

MY EYES ARE NATURALLY GREEN...

They really are.
But I am not talking about those eyes, set a little crooked on either side of my nose.

Luke 12:15 (NKJV)

And He said to them, “Take heed and beware of covetousness, for one’s life does not consist in the abundance of the things he possesses.”

1 Corinthians 6:10 (NKJV)

nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners will inherit the kingdom of God.

Ephesians 5:3 (NKJV)

But fornication and all uncleanness or covetousness, let it not even be named among you, as is fitting for saints;

Colossians 3:5 (NKJV)

Therefore put to death your members which are on the earth: fornication, uncleanness, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry.

1 Thessalonians 2:5 (NKJV)
For neither at any time did we use flattering words, as you know, nor a cloak for covetousness—God is witness. 

1 Timothy 3:3 (NKJV)

not given to wine, not violent, not greedy for money, but gentle, not quarrelsome, not covetous;

I have been reading through the New Testament lately. Anyone else start at Genesis on their reading plan and seem to lose traction as you get into the NT?  I just decided to start there this time. This theme of covetousness has been showing up over and over. The one that states "let it not even be named among you"...whew. When something stands out to me repeatedly, I figure the Lord has a point and wants me to take a look at it in my own life. So, I did and it wasn't very nice.

We have lots of opportunities to covet in our culture today.

We have reality TV shows that are anything but. Odds are you aren't going to meet your husband/wife for the first time wearing your best formal wear and being dropped off in a limo. Most of us aren't housewives in Beverly Hills, Orange County, or Atlanta, and many of those who are have a very different lifestyle than what we see on TV.
We have social media. Facebook, blogs, and Twitter are minefields for jealousy. We don't get as many likes, retweets, friends or followers as the next guy. People do not comment on my posts like they do on hers. I think my Twitter is broken because no one responds to my tweets like they do his.
These media avenues also allow us a peek into people's lives that we have not had in the past. We see their perfect family photo, the cute kids, the adoring husband, all of which may be true, yet, hopefully, we are not privy to the argument the spouses had the night before about money or church or whatever. We don't see the meltdown the mama just had with her kids. We don't see the rebellious teen who just keeps pushing his/her parents buttons.
And we shouldn't.
Same thing happens in our churches. Most people, myself included, answer that we are fine when asked how are we doing, regardless of the fact if we are or aren't. We at least want people to think we are. We brought our family, our Bible, and our tithe so we are doing just great. Many times we are, but not all the time.


In those times we aren't, in our times of discontent, we can find ourselves looking to others and thinking how easy they seem to have it. How blessed they are. How I wish my spouse esteemed me like that. How I wish my kids were like that. How I wish people would respond to me like that.
We get tunnel vision.
And our eyes turn green.

Over the last several weeks, the Lord has been having me look at my own reactions to people and situations to see if I am looking through eyes tinted green with covetousness. It has not been easy, it is still not. I am still trying to get to the bottom of the issue and get out of my tunnel vision. What I have learned is one way to break my tunnel vision is to shift my eyes. Look elsewhere. Look up.

Mark 8:25 (NKJV)

Then He put His hands on his eyes again and made him look up. And he was restored and saw everyone clearly.

When I choose to look up, I will see everyone clearly. I will see Christ in the fullness of His love and grace, His truth and justice. I will see those around me as the flawed humans we all are. I will see my brothers and sisters in Christ as we are - striving to be more like Jesus and some days actually doing it.

Covetousness - to be aware of it, to see it for the idolatry it is, and to not let it even be named among us takes some conscious doing on our part. To recognize it, to confess and repent, and to battle the sin of it with Scripture is the road we must walk, but not alone for Christ will make each step.
 
To steal from Coach Eric Taylor (for all you FNL fans)-

Clear eyes - focused on Christ
Full heart - of the love and grace of Christ, toward myself and others
Can't lose.

You and I, we have to choose.