IT'S MY HONOR

I did not grow up desiring to be a mom and only a mom. You know what I mean? I was not one of those girls who wanted to grow up and get married and have babies and that would complete me. I wanted to get married and have kids, but there were other things I wanted to do as well. Other "lofty goals". HH and I got married in our mid-twenties and waited 4 years to start having kids. My first experience as being a mom did not go as I had planned. Our first pregnancy ended in a miscarriage. A miscarriage that occurred after I had seen that little beating heart. Believing life begins at conception, as soon as I saw that dot, I was a mom. I talked to the baby. Made plans for the baby. In twelve short weeks I went into mom mode and it became my number one priority. When it ended with loss, my heart shattered. I was devastated. Now, I in no way want to compare my loss to those of moms who carried babies to term and lost them or moms who have lost young children (or even grown ones). But for me, that was all the mommy-dom I had known and it was gone. It was very hard to recover from that. It sent my faith reeling. Hard. Then came MC 1. His arrival went nothing like I had planned. C-section after 12+ hours of labor. Hormones a hot mess. Once we got him home, HH and I got a serious stomach bug. Nothing as planned. And protective? Because he was mine and I was holding onto him for dear life - understatement. Took him to the ER after he rolled off the bed as an infant and bloodied his nose. Took him to the ER after he fell over in a chair and I saw the big black knot forming in his head (which he still has the dent from). Multiple ear infections and 2 ear surgeries. Day care injuries. Self-inflicted injuries. Pretty much nothing went as I had thought it would.
Then came MC 2. I knew the C-section was coming. I knew what to do with the ears. But MC 2 is nothing like what I planned on him being. N-O-T-H-I-N-G. To the point that just when I think I have him figured out, he throws a wrench in the plans.
My journey through mommy land has completely ignored my plans. There have been detours and side stops when I didn't plan them. There have been breakdowns and malfunctions when they were least convenient. It has just pretty much NOT gone like I thought it would.
It has gone like He thought it would though. He knew each detour coming. Each breakdown. Each malfunction. He knew I needed HH to do this. He knew I would need these men children and that they needed me to be their mom. Looking back on my other "lofty goals" they seem so small. So insignificant in comparison. Not they are insignificant, but in light of my role right now, they are. This mommy thing is just for a short time. Those "lofty goals" will still be around when my nest is empty.
So for now, I will look at my full, messy, unplanned little nest and be grateful.
I know on Mother's Day we honor moms, and rightly so.
But I think many moms will tell you,
the honor is all theirs.

"when I call to remembrance the genuine faith that is in you, which dwelt first in your grandmother Lois and your mother Eunice, and I am persuaded in is you also."
2 Timothy 1:5
NKJV