UHHMMMM...I DID NOT MEAN TODAY

I am around chapter 20 of Loving God With All Your Mind, by Elizabeth George. I have decided to use it as my bible study, reading one chapter a day, for the time being. There are a couple of reasons for this. First, I just finished Breaking Free (enough said), and second, I actually wanted to not only finish this book but take the time to let is do it's thing (His thing) in me.

Which brings us to Friday. It had been a tough week, few weeks actually, for me. I have had more than one quiet time with me just spewing whatever was inside to the Lord and sometimes at the Lord. Friday was one of those times. Before I read my Bible, before I read the book, before any of it, I spent time spewing. I am one of those kind who needs to talk it out. I figure He knows it anyway, so I might as well talk it out with Him. No sense trying to hide stuff from the One Who created you. At the end of all that spewing, I asked the Lord to give me a truth to hold onto for the day. The section of the book I am in now is focusing on Romans 8:28,

And we know all things

work together for good

to those who love God,

to those who are the called

according to His purpose.

I can say without any hesitation I struggle with that. I do. Sometimes it is hard for me to remember that. But as with the "true and real" stuff Mrs. George had been sharing, I was determined to grab hold of that piece of truth and make it my own.

I finished up my quiet time and headed outside with MC 2. That is when I noticed the tread coming off, separating off, my back tire. I called HH, and he confirmed that I couldn't drive it safely. The news created a problem because MC 1 was at his last day of school and had to be picked up in a couple of hours. So I called the local family, and as the Lord would have it, they were unable to get free to get him. The only option left was the bus, which actually goes right past our house. Yeah, right? Let me let you peek inside this mama's head -

On the LAST day of school this mama has to put her firstborn, whom she has chaperoned to and from school everyday for the past 185+ days, on some unknown bus with some unknown bus driver so he or she can bring my precious cargo home. My man child has no idea he needs to ride the bus, no idea which bus to ride, no idea of the bus route.....NOTHING.

HH calls back and through my tears we confirm the plan of action. I compose myself long enough to call the school, email his teacher and get things squared away. Then I cried. And cried. And cried some more. MC 2 even came in and asked. " Are you done crying yet?", and walked away while mocking me with a fake baby cry.

Through those tears I kept going back to Romans 8:28. Repeating it. Praying it over those next couple of hours. Meditating on it. Telling the Lord that I did not mean today, I did not really want to test it out today! Then refocusing in the truth I had requested in my quiet time, taming my wild imaginations to focus on what was true and real.

End of story, MC 1 makes it home safely. Thought it was awesome. Saw a fight. Got a Popsicle. The usual public school bus ride.

Lessons?

First, if you ask God to equip you with a truth, you better be prepared for the chance to apply it to show up soon.

Second,

And we know all things

work together for good

to those who love God,

to those who are the called

according to His purpose.

MANY HANDS MAKE FOR AN EVEN BIGGER MESS

I have been trying to finish the bathroom remodel we started over a year ago.

Which basically means fix my botched up paint job so HH can put the mirror back and we can resume some form of civility.

I mean a house with no finished bathroom is like a house with no kitchen floor.....

ahem....

moving on.

I knew painting with MC 2 would be a challenge.

No you may not stand by the open paint can.

No you may not stand on top of the toilet by the open paint can.

Please stop rolling the walls with the empty roller.

No you may not have a paint brush.

No you may not stand on the bathtub.

Where did you go?

What are you doing?

Come here so I can see you!

But I need to finish strong, so today we will hit it again.

Figuratively I hope.

I DO

It has been a long week with the men children. MC 2 has broken two windows, turned the last gallon of milk I have into a gallon of chocolate milk, disobeyed too many times to count, doused the bathroom in baby powder, and gotten very clingy at night when mama wants people to leave her alone. MC 1 has been ate up with attitude and sass, cried alligator tears at bed time, and somehow thinks he has become in control of the remote. Let us not even mention trying to get up in the mornings - for any of us. It has been a long week, and I have not momma'd all that well. Bodes for a long summer. Condemnation wants to come sit a spell it seems. And it is not just the men children it wants to talk about. But as I hear or read about the stories of the families in this world suffering, with loss of children, with divorce, with destruction, with true poverty, I am pulled back into what is true and real. The truth is my men and I have a roof over our heads and food in the fridge. The reality is my men children have both parents at home trying to raise them together the very best we can. I have my men children with me today. I have HH with me today. Sadly there are some mama's and wives that can't say the same.
So though the week has been long, it has been blessed.
Though I told the Lord today I feel alone, I know I am not.
I can still choose right now to remember that.
I do.

BECAUSE...

it seems we are for Team Jacob

I was going to show you the

three pounds of peeled garlic

HH bought at the store the other night.

Even though I clearly said,

"I only NEED taco seasoning",

and he said,

"that and snuff is all I am going to get".

Response to my facial reaction,

"What? I like garlic."

Why yes, Buffy, it seems you do.

However, I can not show you said pic

because I discovered this morning

that someone has deleted

all the pictures from my camera.

No prizes for figuring out who.

Some of the photos were on my lap top,

but not all.

And it may not have been HIM.

But given his track record the last couple of days,

he is suspect numero uno.

Hello Wednesday.

Did you change your name to Monday?

Good grief!

FEELINGS FOR, NO FAITH IN

I was watching Life Today last week and they had Jennifer Beckham as a guest. While telling her testimony, she recalled a time after she was saved when she was struggling. She was a minister's wife, doing ministry herself, in the Word, trying to be a better mom, wife, follower of Christ and it was not fulfilling her. Something was still off. During her pleading before the Lord, one of the things she felt He spoke to her was this,

You have feelings for Me, but you have no faith in Me.

Scared and embarrassed to say, that resonated deep within me. I saved the DVR and watched it again a couple of days later and that phrase had the same effect on me. So I have been turning that over in my head this past week, and in my heart, asking the Lord,
Is that it?
Is that me?
To any degree is that ME?
because I could totally relate to where she was coming from.
I am just going to chunk out what I have come up with out of all this.
First, yes, it was me.
To what degree we (He and I) are still sorting out.
Not having faith in someone is tough. It requires a lot of work on my part. If I have someone at work that I give a job to, and have no faith in her, odds are I am going to be spending my time doing both my job and double checking to see if she did hers. I can love my kids and have no faith in them to make the right choices or do what I expect. Which results in me, most likely, spending my time trying to protect them from making the wrong choices and doing what I have told them to do.I can love my spouse and have no faith in him. Which means I will constantly be trying to take care of not only my responsibilities as a wife and mom , but also his as a husband and father. Even with friendships. I can like some people. I can want to spend time with them. I can enjoy their presence tremendously, and yet have no faith in them. Which means I am always on guard to protect what I share. I am on guard to protect myself in case they don't show up when they said they would or do what they said they would do. Always expecting them not to come through. It can happen anywhere. Work, school, church, family, and it plays havoc with my emotions.
Feelings change.
If everyone does what I ask, I love them bunches and they love me.
If they disappoint me, I ask why and my feelings are hurt.
I know the past few weeks my relationship with the Lord had looked a bit like this. When I am blessed (and trust me it has been a very worldly view of blessed at times...aka money in the bank), I am great, life is good, Jesus loves me. When things don't look so good, I am sad, disappointed, and wondering why am I being punished. What have I done wrong? Why are You not doing what I asked? Especially when what I have asked for is good and the decisions I made I believed were for the good of those involved. When those kind of choices get me in a bind, it is tough sometimes.
One of the verses that I have camped out on over the last couple of days is Psalm 119:68.
You are good, and do good.
Bottom line.
God is good.
Christ is good.
They do good.
They are for my good.
My feelings don't change that.
They just distract me from it.
So my prayer has been for the Lord to rewire my thinking.
Change my thought pattern that it will no longer ask Him why am I being punished, but will say instead, You are good and You do good.
Regardless of how I feel, which can change at any given moment, regardless of abundance or lack, my brain will go to that simple fact.
God is good and he does good.
Over and over.
Watering my spirit and soul with that word so that even a mustard seed can grow.

Remeber when I had a job......
and we had money to burn.....
and only 2 dogs who went to the vet once a year....
those were the days.
Except I cried when I went to work...
and our money really did burn up....
and did little of eternal significance.....
I don't want to go back to that.
The 2 dog thing was kinda nice though.

CHASING MC 2

A friend called yesterday. Her message said " I guess you are out chasing MC 2." I was. All the way to the doctor's office because someone has tonsillitis. So we have nasty medicine that apparently DOES NOT taste like bubble gum to take heal our woes. Praying MC 1 does not get it. HH is tonsil free so he is in the clear.
And so concludes the highlight portion of our week.
We are trying out a new daily schedule. On the days we stick to the plan, it works out well. We will see how it goes with MC 1 and the updated "Summer Schedule".
Riveting post I know.
Bet you can't wait to come back tomorrow.
Go make it an awesome Thursday.
It's your choice!