FOUR SCORE DIVIDED BY TWO

That would be 40. 

Which is what I will be.

Not tomorrow, or this month even, but soon enough. 

I find myself thinking about it more and more though. 

Like today, sitting at the OB/GYN 

(boys - totally fine if you just checked out, but the girls know)

looking at all the mamas to be and the mamas who just were, 

remembering when I was in their shoes, 

seeing the "old" ladies there,

and realizing that I am now the "old" lady.

Or when I read an article (a lovely one, too) about some friends' mama who is retiring, thinking I remember when she started, and realizing I have been out of high school long enough for a person to want to retire in those same years.

I am not really afraid of 40, but aware. 

Aware of how far I have come.

Aware of how far I have to go. 

2 Corinthians 3:18 (NKJV)

But we all, with unveiled face, 

beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, 

are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory, 

just as by the Spirit of the Lord.

I am not one who thinks the best years are behind me.

I really hope not. 

To me, that would be depressing. 

I have had good years in high school, college, the 20's & 30's,

but I really hope I haven't peaked out.

If the Lord allows -
We have MCs to graduate.

Daughter-in laws to meet.

Grandbabies to kiss.

Front porch rocking to do.

Philippians 1:6 (NKJV)

being confident of this very thing, 

that He who has begun a good work in you 

will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ;

I am going to hold God to His word.

The confident 40's. 

Yeah, that is what I would like them to be.

ROUND UP...

1. The boys played soccer this season.
2. Soccer season is over. Two weeks ago. They played for six weeks. You see exactly how many pictures I posted up here.
     - It was MC 2's first adventure with competitive sports and he really enjoyed it. Which is good because they lost every game but one. He didn't care. He just liked being out there.
    - MC 1 loves to play. His team fared a little better. Excluding the cleat to the eye (which his wonderfully attentive mother just took him to the doctor about this week- that is right peeps- mom of the year trophy securely on my mantle), he had a really good season. (You'll be glad to know they eye checked out fine. He had no pain and no vision problems, it just wasn't looking like it should have IMO.)

3. The boys participated in another rodeo.
4. That's over, too.
    - They both rode really well and the church who sponsored it put on a great program. HH is itching for the next one. MC 1 is going to have to find a new group due to the fact he has aged out of the one we always participated in. He is looking to football I think. Shhh....HH is not a fan. 

5. The boys had track & field day at their school.
6. Zero pics of that as well. I really need a camera......
    - MC 2 signed up for three running events, which shocked us all, and did really well. He wasn't first but he wasn't last.
    - MC 1 had one goal in mind. Win the boys 800m. AND HE DID! This has been on his mind since the last field day. When I mowed my track last year, he saw it as his chance to train. He ran, he practiced, he prepared and it payed off. He was so happy.

School is almost out for us, and the timing is perfect. HH is enjoying the longer evenings. I keep reminding him we are not out of school yet. Bedtime still exists.

Okay, well that should hold you for a few days. Hopefully, this summer I can get back here and get in the habit.
Hopefully....
I shall choose to try.

DO WE HIDE BEHIND THE "SEASONS"?

I have been listening to a great deal of James MacDonald the last few weeks as he has become my soundtrack for the soccer practice laps I make around the field. One of the most recent sessions dealt with reconciliation with our brothers and sisters in Christ. That in itself is a different post.....
Thinking on that for a few days, the word "seasons" came to mind. It is a popular word in our Christian culture today. 
In this season of my life....
We're entering into a new season...
You've most likely heard it. Maybe, like me, even said it.
I think one of the most common ways I have heard it, and used it, is regarding relationships. 
A relationship ends...
Friends are no longer friends...
Co-workers change jobs (or don't)...
Church members leave...
The reply most often,
Well, we are just in different seasons of life now.
Which, I think, many times is true. Relationships do, and often should, change. People move away. Lives go in different directions. 
I couldn't ignore the little prick, though, that asked what if we were using that term as a cover,for some camouflage, to hid the fact that we haven't dealt with the situation in the manner God calls us to.
Would we rather ignore the body of Christ than be reconciled with it? Him? Her? Them?


I don't know. I am asking you.
Do you think we over use the term?
Do you think we can hide behind it and avoid doing the work of reconciliation God calls us to?

Waiting to hear from you....

BUT JESUS...

I had an incident with another mortal the other day and not a good one. I took a cussing like I never have before. Fiery darts were shot with the intent to kill.
But Jesus... was there.
He was all over me. We stayed calm. We didn't cry. We answered without accusing. We questioned without condemning. We spoke with a calm steady voice. We humbly sought out and accepted any wrong doing while enduring the wrath of a very angry person.

Then I walked away and cried like a baby. I asked the Lord to remove them from my bubble. Perhaps have them get blessed with a great job opportunity and go away. I told the Lord this is why I hated dealing with people. I asked Him if I could just put a wall up and not even deal with the situation any longer. Hide it, and the mortals, completely out of my sight. Just stay locked tight in my little bubble. 

But Jesus....said no. He said this is exactly what you were called to do. To love the unlovable. To extend grace to the ungrateful. To address it with respect and humility, seeking a solution and not a vindication.

Don't be fooled. It's not all daises over here. There is bitterness trying to take root. I have felt it trying to pierce my heart. The voices of the flesh have screamed. My mind has been preoccupied with what I should have said this time or will say next time.
Those thoughts are trying to build a wall, brick by brick, around my heart. Bricks like
I just won't speak at all....
I've got nothing for them any longer....
It's not worth it....

But Jesus... reminded me that to be a follower is to be persecuted by the world. Maybe this isn't about me being a Christian specifically, but maybe it is. I don't think its a coincidence that just a few days prior I had actually thought about how great it would be if they found Jesus. 
My chief attacker is not this mortal, but the enemy Satan himself. If he can get me to harbor bitterness, if he can get me to not turn the other cheek, if he can get me to not act like I am a follower, if he can get me to keep that heart of stone....

But Jesus...keeps pulling my thoughts back to Him.
Reminding me of the end game.
His glory.
His fame.
His adoration.
People choosing Him.

The world is mean. The world hates Christ. The world will hate us if we are following Him. Being in it but not of it is going to be tough. We can want to with all we have, but our flesh will fail. Our flesh will follow the world. We, in and of ourselves, are ill-equipped to do this.

But Jesus.....

IF I HAD A LIFE SONG.....

Most my life I've been doing my best to 

Try and hide anything less than perfect 

I covered up all my scars 

I gotta make them think I’ve got it together 

Make believe nobody ever has to see 

What I keep in the dark 

Truth is, I was wrong 

That’s the part that you have wanted all along 

We are, we are, we are the broken 

But we are, we are, we are the chosen 

So come on shine, shine, shine 

Your beautiful light 

Through the cracks inside our hearts tonight 

‘Cause we are, we are, we are the broken 

Coast is clear we got nothing to hide 

All are welcome here 

Step into the light 

Where there’s no more fear 

Can you hear the freedom song our souls are singing 

Come just as you are 

Take those walls around you and tear ‘em all apart 

We are the weak, the wrong, the too far gone 

We are the outcasts, yeah, but today we belong 

We are the lost, the found, the been knocked down 

But we got back up and now we are the city on a hill 

Is filled with stained glass hearts, but we come as we are 

We come as we are 

And we shine like stars, shine like stars 

We come as we are and we shine like stars

(We Are The Broken lyrics by Matthew West)

GROWING THEM SMALL....

Our kids go to public school. They hear, and see, things I wish they didn't. Things other kids innocently share. Like this past week, when MC 2 told me about his little friend whose parents are divorced because, "his dad loves another girl". How heartbreaking for a little boy to be carrying that around. 
We, as parents, have the option to either brush things like that under the carpet or address them with a biblical world view. In this instance, we talked about how sad that was, how that is not what God intended for marriage, what God does intend for marriage, and how can we help our friend. Prayerfully, talking about these things innocently shared will pave the way for conversations when the topics are much more weighty.
My kids don't live in a bubble. The real world gets in their space at times. 
Guess what? Try as you may, you kids don't either. Regardless where they go to school, or how involved we are as parents, our childrens' lives are filled with people who make mistakes. People who make choices we don't agree with. People who don't parent like we would parent. People who don't esteem Jesus as we hope all would. Then, there is us, and as parents, we make plenty of mistakes. We don't esteem Christ as we would want. We make decisions on Monday that don't align with what we confirmed on Sunday. 
Day in and day out, our kids are interacting with sinful flesh and bone people, who don't always get it right.
What are we to do?
I hope to encourage you to address those situations as they come along. Not pointing fingers at those who stumble, including ourselves, but pointing our kids to Jesus. Teaching them that Jesus has a better way. Teaching them that they, too, will fall, and if they will let Him, Jesus will pick them up. Just like He does us.

According to MC 2, the little boy felt powerless. He could do nothing to stop this from happening. MC 2 told him, "You could pray about it."

A bud bursting forth in a little man child's heart scattering some seed in another little man child. 


Yes, Lord, yes.  Not to brag on our parenting, because this same MC had to apologize to his best little friend last week for calling him a not nice word, but to point to Your faithfulness. To be the Gardner who grows the little seeds of faith we have thrown out to our kids. We may never know the full impact of what our kids see and hear, but rest assured they are watching. Lord help us to point their eyes and their hearts toward You.

INVISIBLE

I wasn't really sure how to start this post, but about a week ago, a lunch table discussion gave me the perfect word....invisible.

Have you ever felt invisible? Our lunch table discussion brought up examples like being the only childless woman at a baby shower or being the little older, still single gal at the bridal showers. Some mentioned feeling that even at church not a soul would notice if they were there or not. Even in your own family, feeling as if no one sees what you do or what you deal with. 

Invisible. 

Can I tell you I had myself a good old fit about this a couple of weeks ago? Let me back up and say this- there are times when I fight off the little waves of attack when I feel I am not seen and then there are my two year-old tantrums where I want to take my toys and hide just to see if anyone will miss me. Just to dare them not too! This was one of those fits.

My family doesn't care....

My friends don't care....

I could miss church for months and no one would even notice....

No one checks in one me....

No one is concerned about me....

As one of my students drew on his notes the other day,

blah.....blah....blah....

Note to you: please don't send me messages or call me telling me you do care out of guilt. I know those of you who do, well, you really do. The rational me knows this, but this particular week, the emotional, insecure me was driving the bus.

So, in the middle of my self-imposed, and escalating tantrum, I made a decision. 

I was responding to no one for a week.

No calls.

No texts.

No Facebook discussions.

No tweets.

I would speak only when directly spoken to.

In my mind, they didn't care and I was about to prove it. 

And prove it I did.

I proved that I was not the center of their universe.

I proved that the world still went around with out my two cents worth.

I proved I could isolate myself quit nicely if I wanted to.

I proved I could be a mighty good cave dweller.

Want to know what the funny thing about that cave was, though? I wasn't alone. 

HH was there, and it seems I hadn't been talking to him in a while. The week of no calls to anyone on the outside left me time to talk to him.

And Him. Yes, I hadn't been talking, or listening, to Him very well either.   

Seems I had been treating them both as if they were invisible.

Truth is, you and I are not invisible. We may not be seen by the people we want to be seen by. We may not be seen by the people we think should see us. But we are seen. There are people watching us every day. People who see how we respond to what comes our way. People who see how we act when we think no one sees. Little ones who watch what mommy does as she goes through her mundane chores. 

And we are seen by El Roi, the God who sees.

You and I do not go unnoticed by the God of the universe. When the enemy tries to convince us otherwise, lead us into a tantrum, and seal us up in a cave, we must choose to believe what Christ has said.

He sees us.

Isaiah 49:15-17

¹⁵ 

“Can a woman forget her nursing child,

And not have compassion on the son of her womb?

Surely they may forget,

Yet I will not forget you.

¹⁶ 

See, I have inscribed you on the palms of My hands;

Your walls are continually before Me.

 (NKJV)

We are not invisible. 

I hope you choose to believe that truth.