THIS IS A TEST...

THIS IS ONLY A TEST.

TO SEE IF ANYONE IS STILL THERE.

ANYONE...ANYONE...

BUELLER...BUELLER

 

THIS CONCLUDES OUR TEST.

NORMAL POSTING SHOULD RESUME SHORTLY.

 

THANK YOU.

A RAW MOMENT

Today was the last service for the church we used to attend in the building we saw be built from the ground up. While it has been years since we attended there, and the church body we worshiped with has disbanded,  today hurt a bit. 

Because I had great memories of that body & that building. 

Because deep down,for more years than a mature Christian probably should, I was hurt & upset with God for taking it away. 

Because I think in that same deep down spot I had hoped He would restore it. 

But now there is no going back. 

Not that we ever were, but I clung ever so loosely to the possibility we might, if we chose to.

The choice is no longer ours. 

Really never was.  

The only choice I made was to make an idol out of what was and strain my neck to keep looking back at it. I see that now. I've seen it for a while, but today brought it clearly into focus. 

The thing about idols - there is no life in them. I was looking into a man made building for a church body that had died years ago. That's not to say the church there now isn't growing or alive. It is to say the one I had exalted in my thinking was dead & gone. 

And I don't know why. Believe me, I've asked the Lord in my most insolent of child like voices, in the most tearful of fits. I've looked like a 2 year old before Him. 

He has chosen not to answer. 

Doesn't change who He is. 

A loving Father who will correct His temper tantrum throwing daughter. 

A loving Father who endures as she matures. 

A loving Father who knew her wounds  before she mumbled a word or cried a tear.

A loving Father Who desires to do a new thing in her heart and in her life; who desires to prune back the tangled vines of her questions and hurts so new fruit may burst forth; who knows in that pruning she will be drawn back to the one true Vine & no longer be wrapped around the things out there. 

A loving Father who waits for His prodigal daughter to return and make the choice to have ears to hear & eyes to see the beauty of the place He has her, for He is there. 

Today, I choose. 

Today, so can you. 

He has chosen us. 

He chooses us.

 

HELP ME

Lord,
Help me to keep my eyes focused on You. 

Help me to keep things in an eternal perspective. 

Help me to see the faithfulness You have shown in the past and look for the faithfulness You will continue to show in the future. 

Help me to see my willful sin and quicken my heart to leave it. 

Help me to see the snares of the enemy and the path You light to avoid them. 

Help me to see You in the faces I see today. 

Help me to see the good and not get focused on the not good enough. 

Help me to see You Jesus.

TESTIMONY TIME...

So, whatcha been doin'?

It has been a good bit, and there is a good reason. My computer has tapped. It has been submitted by something, and it has tapped out. Eventually it will be repaired or replaced, but for now it sits on my desk in shameful defeat.

As many of you know, HH has had a bit of an ordeal. Jesus has been so faithful to preserve his life and restore his health, and to God does all the glory go.
That's not all He has been about, though.
I have told you many times how my mind can go to the dark places of fear and worry quickly. Traumatic situations are a slippery slope for me. Lack of sleep, multiple days in the hospital, and long nights alone where I have nothing to do but think are like a perfect storm for me. Anxiety pounds against my mind and my heart with hurricane force.

Psalm 107:29 (NKJV)

He calms the storm,
So that its waves are still.

 

Amen and amen.

 

I can honestly say, during all of this, the Lord steadied me. He calmed the storm before it ever began to brew. People kept asking me is I was okay, and I could answer in complete truth, that yes I was.

Even when it became apparent something was wrong.

Even when they asked me to leave the room.

Even when I came back in to see my husband white as a sheet and writhing in pain.

Even when a young man was applying pressure to HH's major artery so he didn't bleed out.

Even when the words "blood transfusion" were thrown around.

 

Hebrews 6:19 (NKJV)

This hope we have as an anchor of the soul, both sure and steadfast, ...

 

Wave after wave, Jesus Christ held firm, and held me firm in Him. You have to understand what a work of God this is. For the last 7 to 8 years, my mind has been my war zone. It has been brutal. Only a hand full know how brutal, and even in that, they don't know all of it. You can not count how many times I have spoken the words "sound mind" in the midst of the warfare. The Lord has been gracious, and many areas have been restored, but it still has hot spots. There are still fleshy uprisings.

 

THIS was a decisive victory.

 

A sign of the power of Christ over the enemy.

A manifestation of the hope I have in Him. 

A breaking of the chains and a setting free of the captive.

 

May this writing be a sign to you of the deliverance and redemption you can have in Him as well.

 

You choose.

 

To God be the Glory.

 

 

CHOOSE TO ASK

Well, I made it 5 weeks without crying and talking at my Nehemiah bible study,which tells you I did very little talking these last 5 weeks. Yep..... right up until last night. Our leader, Mrs. Mary, asked what had spoken to us the most and I had to talk about the reconciliation not disgrace thing so the tears just poured. It's a good thing I have been in Gideon as well, because I spent the rest of the lesson telling myself a broken vessel shines the Light....a broken vessel shines the Light. Better that than the these people think you are psychotic and you have some sort of red skin disorder and will probably never look you in the eye again and blah blah blah......

Trust me, I can go THERE fast.

Okay, but that's not what I got on here to tell you about. FOCUS, Rhonda.
Back in February, one of my sisters and I went to dot.MOM in Dallas with our Siesta Sisters Amy & Michelle, who are sisters as well (HI GIRLS!!! LOVE Y'ALL SO MUCH!!!). During one of the breakout sessions I went to, the lady told of how she would go into her son's room every night and ask him what the best part of his day was and what the worst part of his day was, and then he would reciprocate. She did this well into his teen years, and recounted a time when she forgot he was having some guys stay over, went right on in, killed the light and asked her questions, only to freeze in fear that she had just humiliated him. However, he answered, and so did every other boy in the room ,and what could have been a very awkward moment for them all wound up being a time of ministry to one young man who's parents were getting divorced and no one knew.
None of which relates to my story, but y'all isn't God awesome to do that for us!
So I came home thinking, well, I can give it a try with the MCs and see how it goes.
I've got to tell you - IT HAS GONE PHENOMENAL!

They love it. They get mad if I ...ahem.... try to rush through it. They want to hear my best and worst part. MC 1 likes me to guess his best and worst part. MC 2 has added his "sad" part. Our nephew spent the night, and the MCs were concerned I wasn't going to "do the thang" with company. Oh no - I just hit 'em all up.
Also, usually when we pick the boys up after church I ask the age old question,

"So, what did y'all talk about?"



Some Sundays it is like pulling teeth to get a better answer then "Jesus", because, clearly it's church and you should have talked about Jesus, so that's a cop-out. We keep digging until I get the full story. However, should I forget, as I did this past Sunday, I get the,

"MOM, aren't you going to ask me what we talked about?"

 

speech, and on really good Sundays, they even ask me what we talked about in church.

 

 

Point (yes, there was one) - kids want you to ask about them. Your kids want you to ask about them. Sure, some days they are less forthcoming, but they still want you to ask. About school. About sports. About their friends. About their days. About the good and the bad and the sad.

As the MCs get older, I am well aware that the answers may be whittled down to grunts, but on those fortunate, (I believe) God-given days when they aren't, when the man child is feeling a little chatty, I want to be sure I asked.

 

May we be parents, teachers, coaches, and mentors who choose to ask those babies how they are doing.

It is so worth it on the days they choose to tell us. 

DISGRACED

I am knee deep in bible study this summer. I've already told you my sisters, mama, and I are working through Gideon. I am also studying Nehemiah by Kelly Minter in a women's class this summer. I didn't choose Nehemiah at first because I have already gone through it. I actually had a different class in mind, but never felt good about it, so Nehemiah was choice #2.
But not in Christ's order.
The previous time I worked through Nehemiah I didn't watch the videos. As most of you know, the video can bring a lot to the table and last week's, video 3 I think, was no exception. The topic was the disgrace the Israelites felt and how Nehemiah planned to deal with it. Minter then points us to 2 Corinthians 5 where we are called to be ministers of reconciliation.
Sitting in my little chair in the corner, I wrote down on my paper DO NOT DISGRACE THEM and underlined it twice, which means it's serious business. Then I was thinking how often I have chosen disgrace over reconciliation for others. Example? Sure. Just remember Jesus is still perfecting me. Have I ever prayed for the truth to be revealed about a person or a situation? I mean earnestly prayed? Yes. Can I sit here and tell you it was from a heart that wanted the people involved to be reconciled to Christ every time? Nope. Ashamedly, I can recall times when my motive was to have them disgraced. Right there, in the middle of my anger, hurt, frustration, or any other emotion I could feel, I gave way to the sin nature of this mortal body. Sure, I didn't call it sin. I called it truth being revealed. I called it people needing to know. I called it perpetrators reaping what they have sown. Regardless of whatever name I tagged it with, the intent was still to have them shamed and disgraced.
Pretty, right?
I am grateful to Jesus for pointing this out, as I saw it developing in my heart as recent as last week.
Repentance has come from it. Not just the I'm sorry I did it, but the I'm sorry and please God let me turn from it. Let me choose to turn from it. Let me choose to be about reconciliation- be it by the words I say to others or the prayers I pray to God alone. Let me choose to stand guard over my own heart and mind against that prideful spirit. Let me choose not to be the one causing others to be disgraced.
The message has been an eye opener for me, as I pray this post is for you. Not because of my words, but as a result of the work the Spirit will do in you.

2 Corinthians 5:18-19 

¹⁸ Now all things are of God, who has reconciled us to Himself through Jesus Christ, and has given us the ministry of reconciliation, ¹⁹ that is, that God was in Christ reconciling the world to Himself, not imputing their trespasses to them, and has committed to us the word of reconciliation.

(NKJV)

Perhaps you can think of a time when you have secretly wanted disgrace instead of reconciliation. Repentance, true repentance, can be ours. We are not without hope.
Maybe you are the one who was disgraced. Forgiveness through Christ is ours as well.

who has reconciled us to Himself through Jesus Christ.... 

May we choose to believe Him.
For in Christ Jesus, we are never disgraced.

NOT JUST OUT THERE...

Like some of you, I am working through Gideon by Priscilla Shirer with the Siesta Summer Bible Study. We are well into weeks 3 and 4, but a statement from week 1 has prompted a post.

"They want the benefits of a relationship with none of the responsibilities." (p. 35)

The discussion is about humanism, and worth the read if you can get your hands on a book. I found it very easy to nod my head and agree that's how people are out there. Yes, the world is living for itself. The world is all about the benefits of various relationships without the responsibilities. Promiscuity, fornication, credit card debt - you can find lots of examples in lots of areas.
But then it happened. My head nodding turned into soul searching as the Holy Spirit did His work, showing me it wasn't just out there. It is in our churches. It is in our life groups and Sunday school classes. It is in me - it's in here.

I want the benefits of being a church member without the responsibility of claiming them as my peeps, submitting to the leadership, and doing what I could to strengthen the body.

I want the benefits of a life group/Sunday School without the responsibility of caring for others and protecting what they share.

I want the benefits of being on the worship team/children's ministry/youth leader without the responsibility of doing the work and dealing with the issues.

I want the benefit of being friend's with the leadership without the responsibility of being mature in my faith and in that relationship.

I want the benefits of being on that platform without the responsibility it carries.

I won't tell you all the ones I could check just from that list. Okay, I'll confess one - the first. You know it's bad when your own study group points it out to you. These ladies are tough - good thing they are blood kin! All kidding aside, they didn't beat me up with it because they knew I knew. They did bring it up, though. I am glad they did. Godly accountability and honest chats are what we need, especially in the body of Christ.

The enemy would have us look in here with conceit and out there with condemnation.

Christ calls us to look in here with conviction and out there with compassion.

The grace of Christ Jesus.

The gospel of Christ Jesus. 

May we choose to remember

 they are needed in here;

Not just out there.