I'M GOOD...

I'm good.
I wanted you to know that.
Not because the circumstances in my life are always perfect.
Not because I have done it right.
But because I am chosen.
In the midst of it all, I am hand-picked.
By hands that chose to be nailed to a cross.
The same hands that choose hold me.
So, I'm good.
Even when I'm not.
You can be too.
Just choose.
Jesus.

WHEN DOING LIFE TOGETHER IS A SOLO ACT

*Or at least feels like it, because as Christians, we know we are not alone.

Doing life together.
Oh how I struggle with those words. I wish I didn't but I do. When we were growing up, my family and I attended a small, country Methodist church, and there we did life together. The people we went to church with were a lot of the kids we went to school with. The grown-ups who sat in Sunday school class together had holiday parties together. The people we took food to and threw showers for when they had babies were the same people we took food to and cried with when they lost loved ones. We did birthdays together. We trick-or-treated their houses on our set route that included a midway coffee stop for mama at Mrs. Gail's.
Please don't email me about the evils of trick-or-treating. Well, you can, but my answer will be this. You know what we did for Halloween? We dressed up in non-demonic costumes and got candy. Know what my kids do at fall fests? Dress up in non-demonic costumes and get candy. 
Ok back on track. They were the same people we made goodie trays for at Christmas and walked to visit when it snowed. They were the houses we had Easter Sunrise service and breakfast at and then turned around and went back to church to be with them a few hours later.
Our families did a lot of life together.
We moved, and that went away. For me at least, and I think my parents for a time being. It would be 20+ years before I felt that again, after HH and I were married. The people we went to church with were the people we did life with. We had babies, we worked the nursery, we celebrated holidays. We cried when loved ones were lost, we mourned when relationships failed, we celebrated new life - both physical and spiritual.
Then we left, and that went away.
It hasn't come back.
I know it takes time, but I miss that. Therein lies the struggle. I miss that for me. I miss that for my boys. I miss that for HH.
The hard part is, there is no one to blame. It's not the old church's fault, and it's not the new church's fault. It is just where we are.
Well, where I am.
And can I tell you, there is a lot of choosing to be done in that place. In that place, church can be lonely. In that place, the enemy can speak lies and tell you it is not just a feeling. You are alone. You don't fit. You don't have a place. You feel insignificant.
And choices have to made.
My family can tell you I don't always choose well.
But then again, by His grace, some days I do.

ODD BALLS

As I was putting sheets on the bed tonight and recalling a conversation from the past week with my colleagues, I thought it might be fun to see if you guys are as odd as I am. So here is a list of 5 of my odd tendencies. In no particular order might I add.

1. The pillows must go in the pillow case tag end first.
2. I have to see with my eyes & touch with my hands that my iron is unplugged. Then I have to make a mental note that I have.
3. My clothes in my closet are arranged in the following order: dress shirts, dress jackets, dress pants, t-shirts, coats. HH's lack of organization slays me.
4. I can not stand it when people walk on the wrong side of the mall. Yes, there is a correct side. You walk the first time on the outside & come back around the inside.
5.Oh, I can't believe I almost forgot this one - I don't drink after people. Not even my own. Unless it is an emergency. And I don't want them drinking after me. I will give them my drink before I drink after them. I have refused my own children. One reason - backwash.

Okay- so now it is your turn. Make a sister feel better!

NOTHING SAYS FALL LIKE THE SMELL OF DIRT...

My laptop is still on the fritz & I've had neither the time nor the energy to deal with it. I hope to remedy the issue soon, but you're talking to a gal who has managed to forget about her husband's clothes at the dry cleaner for going on 2 weeks now. I have got to go get those today! Y'all remind me.
Well, fall is officially here. Which means I'll see a lot more of my parents than I do the rest of the year and my dryer will smell like dirt. MC 2 spent the last few weeks of the month asking if it was fall yet. Once the answer to that question was a yes, he switched to wanting to know when winter was coming and wishing for snow. Yesterday that led to a discussion about the episode of Little House on the Prairie when the big blizzard came, the snow was all the way up to Laura's window, & Pa had to walk to the barn. A tidbit I am sure is completely useless to you.
HH has a new game plan for hunting season. He has now decided that I shall purchase a license and join them in the woods. I will hunt with MC 1 & he will hunt with MC 2. However, because he "knows it has been a while" since I've hunted, he feels I need to join him in the woods during bow season. I pointed out the stand is only good for one person, and that I had no intentions of sitting on the ground where the wild hogs roam, but he assured me we would work something out. Personally, I think he has a crush on me & is just trying to secure some alone time. It's either that or he is thinking if we all have tags we can get even more deer. MC 1 is very excited about it. Well, he's very excited about shopping to equip me. Clearly, I need a great deal of camo & pink. The mere thought thrills him to no end, but we are talking about a child who thinks I need a new purse that is camouflage & has a big cross with rhinestones on it, so really, who is surprised.
I think I have reached my phone blogging limits. Plus, it's 4:20 on the am & I have already been up for thirty minutes. Sleep hates me.
So, I shall bid you adieu.
Have a great Friday everyone!

NEVER DONE

If you have kids, or work with kids, or pretty much have any interaction with the fellow sojourners on this earthly walk then you have probably said things you wished you hadn't. MC 2 is a patience testing child. In more ways than I could have ever imagined. Big stuff that leaves you speechless. Little stuff that wears you down. When we were home together and he had tested me to my max, I would send him to his room and say, "I am done with you."
Yep, I gasp when I read it as well.
Then, I try not to fall apart.
Now, it absolutely breaks my heart to know I said it to him.
Thankfully, the Holy Spirit convicted me and corrected me. He showed me a truth I was planting in my child. I was telling him there was a point where I gave up. Where I said he had gone to far and I was withdrawing myself. Now, while my actions were to come back, my words left the impression that a day will come when I wouldn't. 
Did I want that for him? To wonder if the parent who was to love him, protect him, and be there for him was going to someday say I am done.
The hard truth of the matter is a great deal of my heart's battle is revealed in that statement. While I know in my head Christ will never be done with me, there is a portion of my flesh that often wonders if I have gone too far. Have I done this or that one time too many? Have I pushed to the point where Jesus would send me away and tell me He was done with me? With those flesh and fear fed doubts comes an onslaught of twisted emotions and insecurities. Havoc is wrecked in my spiritual life and the damage is played out before me in my physical life. 
That is when I must choose.
To listen to the carnal voice saying He is done with you or sink my feet into the words of scripture that tell me He is faithful to finish what He started in me (Phil. 1:6).

I don't use that phrase with MC 2 these days. Oh, he still tries me and I will tell him I am done with a behavior or attitude. But done with him, never.
Because praise God, He is never done with me.

ONLY ONE

Now I plead with you, brethren, by the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that you all speak the same thing, and  that  there be no divisions among you, but  that  you be perfectly joined together in the same mind and in the same judgment. For it has been declared to me concerning you, my brethren, by those of Chloe’s  household,  that there are contentions among you. Now I say this, that each of you says, “I am of Paul,” or “I am of Apollos,” or “I am of Cephas,” or “I am of Christ.” Is Christ divided? Was Paul crucified for you? Or were you baptized in the name of Paul? (1 Corinthians 1:10-13 NKJV)

So this is what I am reading now. Which is good because it's what I see now, too. In the mirror, in the local body & in the church. Some of us get pretty uppity about who we follow or read or sit under for teaching. Those who don't follow who we follow, well, clearly they are uninformed. In my own moment, I actually found myself troubled by one of those I follow befriending another in ministry on social media. 

Pitiful. Flesh driven. Absolutely out of order.

I had to stop, call myself to the carpet & submit to the Lord's dealing with me.

Why? Because my apprehension was about rib issues, and while those matter, the spine matters more. 

Jesus matters more.

The kingdom of God, the glory of God & the work of God matters more.

So let's choose to not be caught up in it all. 

Let's choose to let the backbone of Christ & His righteousness be what causes us to stand tall & not our own arrogance about which book, blog, tweet or Podcast we follow.

Only One died for our sins. 

By only One name are we saved. 

Only One will be the King of Kings & Lord of Lords.

Only One.

Jesus.

SHOTS TO THE RIBS

Spine & ribs. I have heard it. I have said it. I have read it. Issues in the church, both local and global, can be divided into these two categories. The are those issues that are essential to our Christian faith. They are spine issues. They are the backbone of what we believe. They are what everything else stems from. Broken spines leave people paralyzed. There is no moving forward. There is no walking. There is not even crawling. When the fundamentals of our faith, the hard core, non-negotiable items, are compromised, when we can not agree on these, we are immobilized as a person, as a people, and as a church.
But can I tell you something?
Broken ribs hurt.
Those issues that aren't our very foundation, but are important to us, well, damages to those hurt. We can still move and we can still walk, but not without pain. Broken ribs are tender. Broken ribs cause us to be guarded with our movements and protective with our hearts. Even breathing is painful some days. Much less trying to extend our hands, in worship or in assistance of another. Broken ribs cause us to draw in and guard our very exposed torsos.

Okay, maybe just me. Because that is how I have been feeling lately. As if I have been walking with broken ribs. The spine is fine, but my ribs feel like they have taken a beating. Disagreements and doubts are like punches pounding on my torso. Worship is painful. Standing tall is not without some struggle. I am guarded. I am tender. My actions are weighed against the pain they may cause me.
It hurts to cry.
It hurts to laugh.
Sometimes all I can do is stand bent over.

And I don't know how to fix it.
Or how long it will take.

I am not paralyzed.
I may be crawling spiritually, but I am not paralyzed.
I know that.
I am grateful for that.
I thank God for that.

My banged up ribs will heal.
With time, I won't be so guarded.
It's just going to take a bit to get there.

My Healer, He likes broken.
My Healer, He can use broken.
My Healer, He is faithful to touch the broken.
And He will make me whole again.

In the meantime, we will walk together.

Because neither He nor I,in Him, are paralyzed.