MY SPLIITING HEAD....

For God has not given us a spirit of fear,

but of power and of love

and of a sound mind.

2 Timothy 1:7 (NKJV)

Yesterday fear started splitting my mind.
Side One : Fear that is we made decision A it would be the worst mistake we had ever made. The implications would damage our kids irrevocably. There would be no way to recover from it.

Side Two: Fear that decision A could be the best move we ever made. Decision A could be the best thing for the MCs. Fear that we would miss it because I was afraid to step out and do. Then there would be no way to recover from that.

Back and forth, sick to my stomach and tears, I tried to work it out. Both fears equally powerful. Both fears pulling at my mental state. I told HH about after the kids went to bed. Some concerns are valid. They can be addressed. They are not life and death.
It was so much yesterday that I went to bed with a headache. My head physically hurt from being split by fear.
Control. Security. Those words don't make my head hurt. I like to have control of my life. I like to have security. I like a firm grip on things. You know what that grip squeezes out? Faith. Where was my faith that God would provide wisdom when we asked for it, like His word says He will? Where was my faith that scripture would shine like a lamp unto our feet and direct us where to walk next, like His word says it will? Where was my faith that even if we totally blew it and made the worst decision, He could redeem it? I'll tell you where it was. It flew out the window the moment my sound mind was spilt open by fear.
I can't say that my fears are gone this morning. They are still pulling at my thoughts. What I can say is that faith is fighting the good fight to hold that sound mind together. Control and security are losing their grip. I mean, can any follower of Christ ever claim to have control of our lives? The whole point is that we give Him control. He is our security. I think He gets a kick out of throwing us curve balls. Why? Because it delights Him to no end when we choose Him over the fear of what ifs.
Christ or Control?
Faith or Fear?
I choose.