Yesterday I was reading my New Every Morning Devo from LPM (thanks again Keri). The title was Person to Person and the reading was Titus 2. Let's just say that after I was done I felt like a complete failure. C-O-M-P-L-E-T-E! Now I know neither Christ nor Ms. Beth intended for me to feel condemned- convicted yes- condemned no. Here are a few of things I have done that got me feeling like a failure:
1. Slander (check)
2. Addicted (check)
3. HH best friend (care about what he cares about) (2x check)
4. Looking after my domestic affairs with prudence and care (3x check that bad boy)
See, I, at times, like me some drama, as long as it is not my drama - yea - that would be gossip. Addicted - hello food. When I stress I want to resort to food. When I am mad I want food. When I can not control a single thing- I figure I can at least control my food- I'll eat what I want when I want. The deception is - it is really controlling me. Where I want to go, what I feel comfortable wearing, my health , etc. Hubs best friend - that was an ouch. I get caught up in doing my stuff & the kids stuff, that I don't really want to spend my evenings watching hunting shows or Inside the MMA or Metallica on Time Warp. However, I would have done that while we were dating - so why did I stop? And my domestic affairs? I will just say that Clean Sweep would hit the jackpot at mi casa.
So as I spent the first part of my journal entry lamenting what a failure I was, the second part the Lord God took over and reminded me of a few things. He reminded me that I am teachable. My heart is soft to hear His clear direction. The Holy Spirit can still speak to me. He also reminded me that it is going to take work on my part, but it is work well worth the cost.
Then I read Lisa's post at The Preacher's Wife and I was encouraged even more. Then I read my assigned chapters from Wide Awake by Erwin McManus, and was encouraged again.
The point - yes- I am going to fail many times at many things. I will never get it all right all the time. I will have peaks & valleys. By choosing to respond to the conviction and not wallow in the condemnation, I continue on in this race. I allow myself to be picked up and I do it again. And again. AND AGAIN.

"Not that I have already attained, or am already perfected; but I press on, that I may lay hold of that for which Christ Jesus has also laid hold of me. Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead, I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus."

Philippians 3:12-14 (NKJV)

This is what happens when I don't blog for a week - it builds up. Thanks for enduring:)