ISSUES...

I have them. Some days I feel like I am the only one. Like a huge, balled up mess of blah who would even think twice about being her own friend because, mercy, I wear myself out with my issues sometimes.
I had one come up this weekend that surprised me.
In John 4 we are told that "one sows, and another reaps." When I hear this verse it is usually in reference to something like Children's Ministry or Youth. You are planting the seeds and some pastor or person down the line will see the harvest in their lives. That is not my issue. What I had this weekend was seeing something I had given myself to, that I had sown, growing and preparing to be harvested by someone else. The conversation (not audible) between my flesh and the Holy Spirit went something like this,

Holy Spirit: Now, Rhonda this is a good thing.
Flesh: I know, I know, but it was MY thing.
Holy Spirit: People are being used that might not have ever been used with you there.
Flesh: I know, I know, but I should be reaping the harvest.
Holy Spirit: It was never yours.
Flesh: I know, I know. I just don't know why you took it away from ME.
Holy Spirit: If I took it away from you, don't you think there was a reason?
Flesh: Yes. But I have not a clue why.
Holy Spirit: And seeing how it was never yours, I did not take it from YOU.
Flesh: I know Lord.
Holy Spirit: Because we are in this for Me and My glory. And if I have removed you from something, it is because I am working out something else for you. Something that is better for you and something that is better for the Kingdom if you will let me. You can choose to be celebrate with the body or you can choose to keep focusing on you. What is it going to be?

Please hear me, I am not mad or upset with the ones who are harvesting. I am actually really proud of them. I was just struggling because it wasn't me.
Maybe I am the only one who battles with this. Maybe so. I doubt it. I guess I just wanted you to know if you felt like you were the only one with issues, you are not.
Even now I am impressed for my life how appropriate the title of this blog is, I Choose.
I am afraid it sounds arrogant at times and I wonder if it turns people off.
But is the over whelming heartbeat God has put within me.
I CHOOSE.
Not always well.
Not always wise.
I sought out the information that upset me this weekend. SOUGHT IT OUT! Yet even from this point I choose. I choose how I am going to let our little heart to heart be worked out in me. I choose. I choose if I am going to run this race with the winds of the past blowing in my face, slowing me down. If you have run track then you know what is like when you turn that curve and face the wind. It is like hitting a wall, literally. You are striving and struggling and running as hard as you can and getting nowhere. Or I choose if I am going to run with the winds of my past at my back, pushing me and aiding me along in my race.
I choose.
I choose.
I choose.
(the last one was for me).
I choose flesh man or Spirit man.
I choose and no one else. Not even the enemy.
I choose.
I choose not to be double minded.
I choose not to be tossed.
I choose to choose EVERY SINGLE DAY to make that choice.
Because He chose me and does it EVERY SINGLE DAY.
He chooses you every day, too.
Choose Him.

"For you are my witnesses", declares the Lord, " and my servant whom I have chosen, so that you may know and believe me and understand that I am he. Before me no god was formed, nor will there be one after me." Isaiah 43:10 (NIV)