It is 4:45am and I have probably been awake for at least an hour. Today I have a heavy heart and a swirling mind. Not a confused mind or troubled but swirling. Due to the fact that some other conversations need to happen before I go and bare all on my blog, the details are intentionally sketchy. Rest assured HH & I are fine, however, this is impacting our relationship. We at the moment are on different pages on a major decision that has to made regarding another relationship in our lives. I can totally see his side & point. Occasionally he sees mine. There is no malice or judgement in that statement-it is just the truth. What I do know is that we have to be together on this and will do what needs to be done to make that happen. I am seeking the Lord for wisdom & intervention & restoration & guidance &- well - to show up in a big way and make His glory be known. It is scary and sad and troubling and sad- and mainly sad. I don't know that right way to go. I don't know how to handle it and not get emotional. There are hurt feelings involved, there is love and friendship and commitment involved. It is a complicated mess to say the least. It is also probably pretty trivial in light of other issues people face, and the enemy is trying very hard to keep my from asking for prayer or even guidance from the Lord. Keeps telling me it is too little to bother God about (yes - I know - it is an out right lie). So I am asking for your prayers. Especially within the next 24-48 hours. Please lift us up. I'll keep you posted.

DEAR MOM

I love you . Thank you for investing in us all out. Thank you for showing us what a real walk with Christ looks like. To show us the victories as well as the struggles. And for reminding us that Christ is the POINT! I love you! My kids love you! My hubs loves you! We love you!

MEN CHILDREN AGAIN

Boys are gross. Think I need to qualify that statement? OK- man child 1 picked up a set of vampire teeth off the ground that another child had discarded and put it in his mouth like they were his. Oh yes - HE DID. Gets worse. Turns out he witnessed said child actually receiving the teeth from ANOTHER CHILD! Third hand vampire teeth - YUCK!!!!!!!! If I was where I could have sanitized his mouth BELIEVE ME I would have. I thought about germ-ex but decided against it. So I tracked down some sanitizer for hands and mine and prayed. (Please feel free to join me in that prayer:)) PLEASE!)

Boys are sweet. Who ever coined the phrase "Muffins with Mom" should have trademarked it. I got to have Muffins with Mom with man child 2 this morning and Mother's Tea with man child 1 this afternoon. The cards were so sweet. Know how your kids tend to pick up your phrases? It should come as no surprise that my card from man child 1 said "You rock Mom" more than once:) It was a day full of sweet blessings.

On a different note- I would like to ask you to pray for HH & I. We have a pretty big (life changing) decision to make and it is going to have to be made soon. We don't want to make it based on our flesh, but what Lord Jesus would have us to do. I am serious that we covet your prayers & do not ask flippantly. As Bethie says, " you won't be wasting a prayer on us".
Have a great night and a super weekend. In case I don't get back- Happy Mother's Day to you all:)
Love you mom!

IGNORANCE IS BLISS

So my sister-in-law emails me today.
"PLEASE PLEASE tell me you did not let him actually wear that clothing combination to school. P-L-E-A-S-E!"
Lucky for her - fashionistos NEVER go with their first choice. We changed clothes before school. She is a big fan of Intervention. If I keep posting out fashion choices she may schedule on of her own. Or turn us in to What Not to Wear! Maybe she'll report me to the British ladies who are always talking about how your pants make your "bum" look.
Today was the National Day of Prayer. I was unable to attend any organized events , but heard some on the radio. Ms. Beth was the chairperson and I know she did a humbly, awesome job! Keep praying for our nation & its leaders. Pray for our churches - oh please- that we would have and be godly leaders. That we would not conform to this world- that we would be different, loving, compassionate, holy people. No soapbox tonight. Just pray.
Be blessed and know the Lord God of Heaven knows your name & loves you very much!

JUST GOTTA DANCE! and sing! and accessorize!

Okay as much as I love the toby Mac toothbrush it does present a problem. The men children spend way more time dancing than brushing! We had to establish tonight that we brush first and dance second. Only time, and better genetics than mine, will allow them to mature to the dancing/brushing simultaneously.

As I type, HH is watching American Idol. We have NOT watched it ALL season- why now? I know this is all most anti-American - but it is not one of my favorite shows. If they have Ted Nugent on - HH is in hog heaven. Him or Metallica. Or the people who sing the Revelation song (Gateway or Hillsong). He loves that one. How you can love Metallica in one breath and Revelation song in another I don't know- but that is my man!
We hit an all time high on the fashionisto scale tonight. We actually laid out our clothes to see how they would look together. We (and I mean he because I could care less) pondered our color choices. HH came in and threw in his fashion advice- he was a no go on the outfit. Honestly- in the morning I just want then dressed and in the car. I really don't care in what. Then we accessorized with a hat. Hard to believe- here is the proof (please ignore the messy room - its Wednesday):

Please pray for me. A houseful of men is uncharted water for me. Fashion is the great white shark of that water. That and the incessant need to hit your brother in the "you know where"- seriously - pray. We could all use it!

And thanks for reading - really thanks. It means a lot to me.

EVANGELISTIC OPPORTUNITY?

HH made a pit stop at the local Supercenter today and brought home the strangest of items. 2 to be exact. I'll let you guess.

Yep - that is the man - TOBY MAC- whom I absolutely adore. Love - I mean love his music! I have loved since my sister brought home that loud, alternative DC Talk. My little orthodox Methodist self was sent in to shock - but it adjusted:) Can you guess what was in the box?

Yep - a toothbrush. But not any ole toothbrush. Not even just a "TOBY MAC" toothbrush - which would be the coolest of coolest! Oh no...

It plays music. "One World" to be exact. According to the package- the music BLASTS through the bristles, vibrates your teeth, and your hear the music in your head! And it is ADA approved!

So naturally I had to test it out. And you won't believe it BUT IT WORKS! When you are just listening to the music you can barely hear it- like a mosquito flying around. BUT put this bad boy on your teeth and it is TOBY MAC concert in your head.

What I don't know is how they approached Mr. MAC to do such a thing.

"Hey Toby, we've got this toothbrush - and we really think it could be evangelistic....."

Yea- I am no advertising exec but I am thinking that would be a hard sell. Thank goodness for the perseverance because now the men children can rock out while cleaning those pearlie whites.

Yesterday I was reading my New Every Morning Devo from LPM (thanks again Keri). The title was Person to Person and the reading was Titus 2. Let's just say that after I was done I felt like a complete failure. C-O-M-P-L-E-T-E! Now I know neither Christ nor Ms. Beth intended for me to feel condemned- convicted yes- condemned no. Here are a few of things I have done that got me feeling like a failure:
1. Slander (check)
2. Addicted (check)
3. HH best friend (care about what he cares about) (2x check)
4. Looking after my domestic affairs with prudence and care (3x check that bad boy)
See, I, at times, like me some drama, as long as it is not my drama - yea - that would be gossip. Addicted - hello food. When I stress I want to resort to food. When I am mad I want food. When I can not control a single thing- I figure I can at least control my food- I'll eat what I want when I want. The deception is - it is really controlling me. Where I want to go, what I feel comfortable wearing, my health , etc. Hubs best friend - that was an ouch. I get caught up in doing my stuff & the kids stuff, that I don't really want to spend my evenings watching hunting shows or Inside the MMA or Metallica on Time Warp. However, I would have done that while we were dating - so why did I stop? And my domestic affairs? I will just say that Clean Sweep would hit the jackpot at mi casa.
So as I spent the first part of my journal entry lamenting what a failure I was, the second part the Lord God took over and reminded me of a few things. He reminded me that I am teachable. My heart is soft to hear His clear direction. The Holy Spirit can still speak to me. He also reminded me that it is going to take work on my part, but it is work well worth the cost.
Then I read Lisa's post at The Preacher's Wife and I was encouraged even more. Then I read my assigned chapters from Wide Awake by Erwin McManus, and was encouraged again.
The point - yes- I am going to fail many times at many things. I will never get it all right all the time. I will have peaks & valleys. By choosing to respond to the conviction and not wallow in the condemnation, I continue on in this race. I allow myself to be picked up and I do it again. And again. AND AGAIN.

"Not that I have already attained, or am already perfected; but I press on, that I may lay hold of that for which Christ Jesus has also laid hold of me. Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead, I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus."

Philippians 3:12-14 (NKJV)

This is what happens when I don't blog for a week - it builds up. Thanks for enduring:)