I LOVE YOU BUT STOP TOUCHING ME!

The men children have slept together since we moved back in after the fire. When they were smaller it was fine. In the past few months, as they have grown, things were not going so well. MC 2 needs to touch - your face, your feet, your head - with his feet. MC 1 CAN NOT STAND TO BE TOUCHED. Especially his feet. So this is their new arrangement.

We tried them with one on the bed and one on the couch, but they missed each other. MC 1 claims the couch, MC 2 roams all over the mattress. *Note - this is not the position or the end he started on. They don't want to be touching, but they don't want to be apart. They want to know the other one is close if need be, but not too close. We thought about bunk beds, but then there was ... you know...MC 2, so we decided to pass on those. Which was probably a good call since I walked past their room in time to hear MC 1 tell MC 2 "Why? You won't die." Looked in to catch them with above mattress standing up tall and appearing to prepare themselves to ride it down. Yep - good no-go on the bunk beds. So for now, this works. They are happy. They read to each other, tattoo each other, argue, giggle loudly, pretty much act like brothers. As much as it drives me crazy, I know they need that. They need to bond. They need to disagree. They need to love.

I gotta think that's how Christ sees us sometimes. As brothers and sisters, we need to bond. As brothers and sisters, we need to disagree. As brothers and sisters, we need to love. It is what draws us in. It is what challenges us and solidifies our faith. It is what picks us up when we are down.

I am going to be real honest right now...I am struggling with "church". It has ABSOLUTELY nothing to do with the church we go to and EVERYTHING to do with me. Because honestly, it would not matter which church I went to. It is stuff in me that needs working out. Right now, I don't want church touching me too much, but I love the church so I want to know it is there close by. How messed up is that? The church and I are sleeping in the same room - one on the couch and one on the floor. Not sure who is where. Pretty sure I need to hit the floor. As much of a struggle it is right now, I know I need the church. Just like my men children need each other. I know I love the church. I know the church will help solidify me in my faith. I know the church is what will encourage me and pick me up.

So what's a girl to do? She is to keep going. She is to lay her heart before the Lord and ask Him to heal the broken pieces that are protruding out. The pieces that cut not only her but those around her if she is not careful. She is to love the church even when she doesn't "feel" it. She is to choose.

"Not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as the manner of some is; but exhorting one another: and so much the more, as ye see the day approaching."

Hebrews 10:25 (KJV)